


Through everything (I will always love you)

by grossnoona



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Idol AU, all of 2B and trickstar are there just they dont talk as much, i guess??, non-childhood friends au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-10-28 19:16:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20783744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grossnoona/pseuds/grossnoona
Summary: Mao agrees to be Ritsu's, a sickly classmate, tutor.That's all that he was supposed to be. That's all the agreement was about.Just make sure Ritsu doesn't slack in his grades and repeat his second yeartwice.But why? Why was he agreeing to fulfill Ritsu's wish?





	1. Mao.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Grossnoona here!!  
I uh actually was meant to upload this on Ritsu's birthday but I couldn't finish bc (surprise) my birthday is a day before Ritsu's so I obviously wasn't able to touch my phone or laptop at all lol  
So have a supposedly birthday fic turned into angst?? with a birthday portion lol  
I've always wanted to write a non-idol non-childhood friends maoritsu so here we are!!!  
god that is a mouthful au skjdnskjndk  
hope you enjoy!!

“ _ Please, _ ”

Mao wasn't prepared.

“ _ Huh? _ ”

He didn't want to think he could get caught up in such a situation.

“ _ Let me live a fulfilling life! _ ”

At that moment, everything felt weird and almost comedic-like. Watching Ritsu from across the table clasps his hand in a begging position. Eyes closed and everything. At this point, Mao doesn't know how to react to this at all.

“Wa-Wait, why are you asking me for this? Don't you have anyone else who could maybe help you?” Mao didn't get it at all. Why of all people, him? Is Ritsu crazy? Mao isn't so sure, he's only known each other for about two months. In fact, in barely a month and a half alone, he feels like he's only gotten a quarter of Ritsu's personality down. The other can be rather unpredictable.

Like right now.

“I have no one else to ask this from!” Ritsu answers. Still begging for Mao to fulfill his wish.

Mao tries to come up with another reason to reject but alas, he couldn't think of any. It's true Ritsu probably has no one else to go to, he's barely managed to survive throughout his entire life had he not been constantly going in and out of the hospital. Even right now, Mao was lucky to find Ritsu in their classroom and not hurling in the bathroom. Thinking a little longer, Mao really can agree on the fact that Ritsu has no one else to go to.

Mao wonders, who else can he go to? His brother will surely deny him from even thinking of trying whatever is on his list, not like Mao wouldn't reject any suspicious ideas either. He can't ask Hasumi-senpai, he wonders if the two are even close. Maybe not, Mao sees them talk but barely. He can't think of anyone else who Ritsu  _ might _ talk to aside another frequent hospital visitor, Tenshouin-senpai who would agree but even then what can two sickly patients do? Mao doesn't want to think about it.

Sighing to himself, he agrees to help Ritsu live a fulfilling life.

Ritsu opens his eyes and Mao could tell they lit up. Just how long has he wished for this moment? Mao really doesn't want to figure it out.

“Alright then, what do you want me to do in order for you to live a fulfilling life?” Mao asks. He puts away some of their work and leans closer to Ritsu. What does it mean to live a fulfilling life? Mao isn't entirely sure. The entire idea seems vague to him. A fulfilling life varies from person to person so Mao can't really figure what to expect when Ritsu takes out a journal.

Once handed over, Mao finally sees what Ritsu means by fulfilling life. It's almost as if he got to know Ritsu a little bit better than before.

“ _ Summer festival.. _ You've never been to one?” Mao asks.

Ritsu shakes his head and mentions how his parents don’t really let him go out often. He wanted to do all those things you see out of a comic and maybe from TV shows. Mao can't really blame him. Some people who aren't in unfortunate cases like Ritsu also wish to spend summer like those coming of age stories people see in comics, shows and all of that. Mao is kind of like that as well but he has been to summer festivals. Just not the way it's portrayed most of the time.

Reading through the list, he sees more things that seem oddly innocent for someone to label as a fulfillment.

Visit a theme park, spend a trip that lasts more than a day, eat at weird restaurants and so many more things. All of these are typical things you'd find anyone would do after school or during the holidays. As Mao read further, Ritsu really was innocent inside. He only wanted to do simple things like that. It’s kind of contrasting to the many rumours that people would whisper to Mao about him; dark, terrifying, delinquent and so many more crude rumours that Mao has long shoved aside.

“This seems pretty easy, you sure you don't have any wild ideas?” Mao asks.

He watches Ritsu ponder a little. The way the other looks up and thinks about it.

“ _ Bungee jumping? _ ”

“Where your condition stands, I think even the staff won’t let you try, y’know?” Mao scolds.

Ritsu laughs and claims that he knew Mao would disagree with such ideas. Ritsu just wrote down ideas that his body probably can handle at best. The most extreme would be a theme park and even then he doesn’t know how he’ll fare. Probably not so, he joked. He always enjoyed looking at them but never really experienced them much.

“A little crazy, right? Mikarin told me that I’m quite extreme for someone with a weak body,” Ritsu laughed. He kept telling Mao how it was strange but he wanted to try them at least once. He wanted to know what it’s like to experience some of these things. Just once. Even if it was a bad experience, it was still  _ something _ and that’s all that matters to him.

Mao hums for a moment.

Would it really be okay? What happens if Ritsu really can’t handle some of these things on the list? Not only would it be troublesome for Mao, but it’d also just put Ritsu at more risk. Surely, his brother would chop his head off for letting Ritsu on these mischievous adventures but Mao can’t really say no. Though, there are still things to think about that are  _ way more important _ than whether or not Mao will say yes to this. Maybe they should think about this a little more thoroughly. Just for safety precautions, Mao really doesn’t want anything bad to happen in the midst of granting Ritsu’s wishes.

Mao hears the classroom door slide open, he turns to find Subaru calling him over for basketball practice. Mao has to admit he doesn’t have the best track record of timing but he’ll take this chance to make Ritsu consider this plan a little more realistically. 

“We’ll talk about this later, okay? I’ll see you after practice.”

Ritsu nods at Mao, probably taking note what he means. Mao bids Ritsu goodbye before joining Subaru. He kind of hopes Ritsu understands why Mao insisted Ritsu reconsider. It’s not like he wants to reject the other, he just doesn’t want him to get hurt in the process or anything. Mao can already think of 20 different ways to die in the hands of his brother and that barely covers the rumours of  _ supposed torture methods _ he has heard about. He just shivers at the thought, he really wouldn’t want to be Sakuma Rei’s new torture toy. He rather beg for mercy than die in the hands of that guy.

“Hm? Spring weather still making you shiver, Sarii?” Subaru asks him before proceeding to hug him tightly. Mao laughs, explaining how he’s just worried about Ritsu a little. It’s not much of a big worry so Subaru doesn’t have to worry so much either. He’ll probably forget about it after practice.

Subaru chuckles, calling Ritsu someone who surprisingly can function on their own. Even better than Subaru, he jokes. Mao getting worried is a reasonable thought, though. Sometimes, Subaru looks in worry if Ritsu wants to join PE class or not but then gets rejected because the sun is unbearable for him. Though, he heard from Chiaki that Ritsu isn’t actually that bad in sports. Just sick so his skills have probably gotten rusty.

“Don’t you ever wanna hang with him, though? I think it’d be fun!” Subaru points finger guns at Mao who only sighs at Subaru. Subaru has a thing for hanging with the strangest people, he can say that but to go to the extent of wanting to hang out with Ritsu, he really doesn’t discriminate, huh? He asks if Subaru would consider how dangerous it would be to let Ritsu go on the same trips as Subaru. Ritsu isn’t a strong person physically, surely it’d be troublesome for Subaru.

“Ain’t that why you’re there? To make sure Ritsu is okay?” Subaru asks, shrugging his jacket off in the changing room. Is that how Subaru sees Mao when he’s with Ritsu? A caretaker? Subaru has got to be kidding.

Mao corrects him; Mao is nothing but a tutor so Ritsu can catch up with class.

“Doesn’t look like it.” Subaru shrugs, leaving Mao in the changing room alone. Does he really look like Ritsu’s caretaker? He can’t tell at all.

_ Mao is seriously just Ritsu’s tutor _ . There’s nothing beyond that. The only things they do together is study after school and go home together. Mao doesn’t even go to school with Ritsu, he’s always there too early because of student council work and Ritsu always appears  _ just before class starts _ . Troublesome but at least he shows up. Mao is only Ritsu’s tutor because he was asked to; Hasumi-senpai and Sakuma-senpai needed someone to monitor Ritsu’s grades just so he wouldn’t repeat a year  _ twice _ . Mao only accepted it because he was just too much of a convenient option.

They were in the same class, neighbours and Mao has a reasonable amount of time spent talking to him so it’s not like Ritsu will shy away from him  _ immediately _ . Mao was too much of a convenient option to have it be passed on to someone else. There were other options but clearly Mao seemed the most suitable much to his dismay. Ritsu isn’t hard to tutor but he isn’t easy  _ either _ . It took Mao a whole month to have the other  _ finally warm up to him _ , even then it took Mao another week or two to finally get the other to even ask when he didn’t get the questions. It was difficult but at least, now, they’re in a comfortable enough position for both of them.

_ Ah. He really has bad luck. _

“Isara-senpai, I’m sorry!” Takamine apologises as Mao wipes the blood from his nose with his jersey. Mao really should have paid better attention to the game rather than tracing back his relationship with Ritsu. He tries to reassure Takamine that he’s fine, it wasn’t his fault for passing the ball to Mao who failed to catch it. If anything, Mao was at fault. Well, looks like he’s out of the game until his nose stops bleeding.

Ugh, he doesn’t want to be near the door. Pollen might make the injury worse, if anything. Mao situates himself away from the door, watching the game continues as he tries to stop the bleeding. He really should have known that Subaru’s words were going to stick in his head whether he liked it or not.

“Oh, isn’t that a mood.” Ritsu was not helping the situation at all, he was laughing a little as Subaru reenacted the entire situation. A bit of an exaggeration but when has Subaru  _ not exaggerated his stories _ ? Never.  _ Subaru always exaggerate his stories _ . It was annoying, to say the least, but Ritsu is enjoying himself so he can’t shoo such things away.

“We should get you an ice pack,” Ritsu tells him as they bike home. He wonders how Mao can still bike home with a nosebleed. When asked for the context of that, Ritsu explains how he’s afraid of nosebleeds. They always make him breathe uncomfortably, squeeze his head tightly and curl up on himself because everything becomes unbearable. He can’t imagine himself still drag his ass home if  _ he _ got a nosebleed. He calls Mao cool for being able to do that.

Mao laughs a little. Mao and Ritsu don’t have the same conditions, that’s why.

It takes a couple more study sessions before Ritsu admits that Mao was right. Ritsu was being reckless about this weird wish-list of things but he doesn’t care. Ritsu explains how he’s a little tired of constantly being careful, he wants to be careless too. He wants to have fun and get a little injured along the way. It’s stupid, right? Ritsu tells Mao how it’s a little selfish but he has spent too long being told to not do anything just so he won’t hurt himself. He wants to do stuff like the others too.

Mao can’t quite deny that thought. If Mao was Ritsu, he’d probably do the same thing.

“Fine but don’t push yourself. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Mao warned as Ritsu nodded excitedly. He promises Mao with a pinky promise, laughing at himself for being so oddly childish. Mao laughs a little too, Ritsu really is a strange person. He can’t understand how the other works at all.

They start small. Obscure cafes that Ritsu has only seen in pictures. Mao has learned from one thing about Ritsu and food; he has a peculiar set of taste buds. Strange combinations of food that rival Kagehira and Subaru altogether, Mao wasn’t so sure if he wants to try it out. Ritsu laughs as Mao quirks an eyebrow at Ritsu’s choice of food. Really, this person sets himself on death row just by eating these peculiar things.

Mao sighs as Ritsu clings tightly to him, mumbling into Mao’s shoulder about how he didn’t think spring could go by so fast. The sun was getting slowly unbearable for Ritsu, Mao heard him say.

Ritsu apologises for cutting the outing short. Mao has gotten used to it, though. He doesn’t mind it. It’s not like they’d have to study much anyway. Sooner or later, exams will be over. After that, it’s the summer holidays. Mao can find time to figure out how to grant Ritsu’s wishes, it’s possible. It’s funny, to be honest. He never thought that he’d end up this way.

Wanting to grant Ritsu’s wishes. Mao wonders how he even got around into doing this.

“You’re dating someone, aren’t you?” Mao’s sister asks, Mao nearly hits his face against the door. He asks his sister what makes her think like that? Did his face change or something? He hopes not. He’s only been hanging out with Ritsu, as of lately. Not like he’ll tell Mai, anyway. God, no. Mai will get the wrong idea.

Mai shrugs and points out how Mao has gotten  _ way less tense _ than usual. To her, it seems like he’s been distressing with someone. She won’t say by what methods but she just thinks her dear older brother has been in a good mood lately. Mao looks at her funny, wondering how him being in a good mood means he’s dating someone. Mai’s logic really has always been something he never got, he sighs and says no.

Mai drags out a long ‘ _ eh _ ’ before calling her brother a liar.

It seems like Mai isn’t the only one who thinks Mao is dating someone though. His friends are on the same boat; asking Mao why it seems like he’s been reserving time for someone else that they don’t know about. Subaru and Makoto make bad attempts in  _ interrogating _ Mao despite the fact that Mao has been saying the truth  _ the entire time _ . It’s just not the answer everyone was expecting.

“I’m not dating anyone,  _ I’m serious! _ ”

Ritsu laughs at the rumour, calls Mao a really easy target. Must be because of how easy it is to read Mao’s face, Ritsu says climbing onto Mao’s bike. Mao scoffs, it’s only Ritsu who has been taking up Mao’s time though. Really, he isn’t dating anyone. If anything, he could say it’s Ritsu but no one would believe it. Or at least, he doubts so.

“Nah, Nacchan thinks I’m dating you.”

“Really?”

Ritsu nods, Mao can feel Ritsu’s hair tickles his nape when Ritsu hugs Mao’s back. Mao honestly doesn’t know when Ritsu started doing that. When did he start hugging Mao instead of gripping tightly to the front of the backseat? Mao doesn’t know. It makes Mao a little warm, just feeling the movement of Ritsu’s head that leans against Mao’s back. He doesn’t know why, though. He can only chalk it up to the close proximity.

Mao gets cornered by Narukami during lunch break. Ritsu was absent which meant whatever anyone wanted to pass to Ritsu, they had to see Mao.  _ Obviously _ , Narukami lied to Mao that she had to pass something to Ritsu. Mao being Mao, he failed to catch that. Probably chalking it up to something not as reasonable as he originally thought. Regardless, Narukami may be strong, she’s still too kind to actually hurt someone.

“So, you’re not dating like  _ at all _ ?”

_ Ah, this conversation again? Mao is a little tired of this. _

Mao shakes his head, they’re only hanging out with each other for a different reason. Though, would it be okay to tell such things to Narukami? Judging how she’s ranting how she thought Ritsu was just kidding, it seems like she knows  _ enough _ . Maybe she knows more about Ritsu’s wish-list than Mao, to be honest. Who knows? Maybe Narukami can help Mao with summer.

He was right. Narukami knew more about Ritsu’s wish-list than Mao. Well, it made sense, Narukami is Ritsu’s close friend, she would definitely know more than Mao who, to be frank, doesn’t even know how to describe his relationship with Ritsu. It’s a blurry line between just a caretaker and a friend. He doesn’t know how to put it. It does leave an unsatisfying taste in his mouth, though.

Mao pushes that thought aside for now. Not like it matters.

“A summer trip?” Narukami asks.

“With Ritsu-kun?” Kagehira continues.

Mao wonders why they seem confused, could it be that was something Ritsu didn’t tell them? Though, Narukami listed almost everything on Ritsu’s wish-list. Could it be that was added only as of recently? Mao can’t tell at all.

That doesn’t seem to be the case, though? Kagehira and Narukami just didn’t expect Mao to choose the hardest wish. Even bungee-jumping was far more possible than a summer trip with Ritsu. Mao wondered why, maybe his parents would disallow it? Mao has only met Ritsu’s parents rather briefly. Just a small glance as Mao peeks out of Ritsu’s bedroom door, he can’t quite put a label on their relationship though. Maybe Narukami and Kagehira knows them a little better.

“Well, his parents are fine with trips n’stuff but don’cha think Ritsu-kun is too sick for them summer trips?” Mika has a good point. Getting Ritsu to stay with him for even a couple hours served much difficulty, he can see why they’re afraid of letting Ritsu go out for more than that. He can only imagine the outcome but it seemed Narukami was experienced in such matters. Judging by her pout, she probably tried it.

“Ritsu-chan has always wanted to spend summer all drama-like but it really is impossible for someone like him, right?” Narukami says that in such a sad tone, almost disappointed in her inability to achieve something like this. Kagehira too.

Mao can’t blame them. He leans into his chair, a part of him still wanting to grant that meaningless wish. The weather was getting warmer which meant Ritsu will be in the hospital today. He’ll give Ritsu a call before heading over to the hospital, just to be safe.

He hears Narukami and Kagehira apologise for discouraging Mao about that particular wish, he tells them not to worry about it. If anything, it shows that Ritsu _really_ _has tried_ everything on the list. It made Mao feel rest assured that Ritsu wasn’t being nonsensical and actually wanted to do it seriously.

“Though, if I do find a way to make this trip happen, can I invite you?”

Mao knows he sounds ridiculously hopeful but it wouldn’t hurt to be positive about it. Mao watches Narukami and Kagehira exchange looks, almost wanting to be as hopeful as Mao, before nodding. They even say that they could help Mao plan if Mao can figure out a way to ensure Ritsu’s safety. Mao was glad enough to see them leave happy.

_ Ensure Ritsu’s safety, huh? _ That’s a lot of work, honestly.

Mao stretches his arms before finally deciding that he can figure it out. He has always been a bit of a stickler when it comes to helping people, though so this doesn’t really serve much of a challenge. If he could figure out what to do when Ritsu was squirming about how weak he felt after walking for too long, he can probably figure out how to ensure Ritsu’s ability to have an overnight trip. It doesn’t have to be a long trip, two days is enough.

Besides, he knows exactly who to ask for.

“Oogami,” Mao calls out.

Oogami has always been a surprisingly helpful person. If anything, he might be able to help Mao out in figuring how to make sure Ritsu doesn’t faint halfway through a trip or something. Though, maybe he can just add breaks in between? It’s not like everyone can keep walking in the hot sun all day, anyway. Still, asking for some assistance in such a thing wouldn’t hurt?

“A summer trip with Ritchii? Is he dyin’ or somethin’?”

“Ok, first of all; yes, you heard me right. Second, can you not be so rude?” Mao scolds, Oogami shrugs and states how he didn’t expect Mao to care so much about Ritsu in that sense. Everyone else who was supposed to keep Ritsu in check, before Mao, never really went to  _ that extent _ of inviting Ritsu out to these kinds of things. Maybe Narukami and Kagehira but that’s because  _ they’re actually friends _ . The same thing applies to Sena-senpai and Tsukinaga-senpai, Oogami tells Mao as he stares at him dumbfounded. He didn’t expect Oogami to be close to Ritsu as well.

In fact, he didn’t expect Oogami to call Ritsu a nickname.  _ Ritchii _ , that’s kind of ironically cute.

Just running around, planning this trip; Mao realised he isn’t that close to Ritsu as he hoped. He never knew much about who Ritsu was friends with. This entire session was proof of that, hearing Narukami, Kagehira, Oogami and even Fushimi talk about Ritsu; Mao could clearly see a distinctive line between him and them. They knew things that would leave Ritsu squeamish and uncomfortable. They knew Ritsu’s quirks and habits while Mao listened intently, almost having to have never seen them before.

“Am I  _ even _ eligible to plan this stupid trip?” Mao asks himself as he bikes home. Ritsu texted Mao about how Mao can’t visit him at the hospital, something about not wanting to get Mao sick as well. He frowns at the text when he received it.

Jealous, maybe? Mao doesn’t quite know what he’s feeling when he was in that class conversation. He felt out of place, just a tad bit. Ritsu was a mystery to him and  _ only him _ . Everyone else knew what and how to do the trip. How funny, he was sure that he wasn’t going to feel these kinds of things when he agreed to the idea but here he was, bubbling with foolish jealousy because he doesn’t know a single thing about Ritsu. Of course, he doesn’t.

Mao said it himself, didn’t he? He’s nothing but a tutor. Someone to keep Ritsu’s grades in check. Nothing more. Yet right now, he appears to be more than just a tutor. He wants to be more than just a tutor. He wonders why.

Summer holidays arrives and somehow Mao still managed to rope in more people than he thought.

Well, for one thing, it was Oogami’s fault for talking about the trip so openly. Of course, that led to him being cornered and interrogated by his friends  _ again _ so they joined out of Mao’s guilt. Another problem was when Narukami and Kagehira lost all control in excitement and invited people Ritsu was  _ okay _ with which led to Fushimi putting a full stop before they started inviting random people that they weren’t even sure if Ritsu knew or not. After checking and confirming the number of people, it became a huge party. Something that Mao and the others were unsure if Ritsu was okay with.

Ritsu wasn’t uncomfortable, at least at surface level. He still spoke and occasionally went along with everyone. Though, Mao felt Ritsu was uncomfortable. He was nodding along but he seemed tired and quiet nonetheless.

Despite how well the summer trip was starting out, Ritsu really looked tired and they were only planning on exploring some obscure place that Subaru chose. Mao wondered why. Maybe Ritsu wanted to stop and rest for a short while? It’d probably make Ritsu feel better, at least a tiny bit. At least, Mao hopes so.

“So we just meet back here at the fountain in, maybe, an hour and a half? That’s enough, right?” Hokuto asks everyone, it seemed enough. It honestly didn’t take everyone that long to shuffle themselves into groups and start exploring the shopping district that is seemingly unfamiliar to all of them. Not even Subaru who has been to the area once or twice.

“You don’t want to follow Narukami or Oogami?” Mao asks, squatting in front of Ritsu who shakes his head slowly.

Mao doesn’t quite like the fact that Ritsu looked too drained, he sighs at it. He hears Subaru call out to him, something about wanting to check out any arcades nearby. Mao sadly declines him but it seemed Sakasaki and Subaru understand. Sakasaki even worriedly asks Ritsu if he was okay, the other nods and claims traveling is just tough. That’s all.

“ _ Liar _ ,” Mao scolds when he feels Ritsu’s forehead. It’s getting uncomfortably warm.

Ritsu averts his gaze from Mao, stating how he didn’t want to mention it because everyone was still energetic and excited. He didn’t want to cut today’s activity short because he was tired, that’d just be selfish. He thought he could hold it in but, soon enough, everything became more and more unbearable. He’s tired, he wants to rest somewhere cool for a short while.

“Mao, don’t you want to explore too?” Ritsu asks, face pressed into Mao’s neck as he carries Ritsu to a cafe.

“Well,  _ technically _ , I’m doing that right now.” Mao answers. It’s true, isn’t it? He is exploring the shopping district, finding a comfortable cafe for Ritsu and him to sit at. Carrying Ritsu isn’t exactly that difficult, he’s done it enough times to get used to the weight on his back. Maybe, Ritsu just feels sorry for taking Mao’s time and chance to be with his friends.

Though, to him, Ritsu is a friend so isn’t that enough?

They manage to find a quaint cafe, it’s not that full and it’s cold inside. Before Mao could even walk in, Ritsu tells Mao to put him down. Mumbling a little how it’s embarrassing to walk into a cafe like that. Mao laughs as he opens the door for Ritsu, it seems that gesture leaves the other a little bit more embarrassed than before.

“ _ Tea ceremonies? _ You actually do tea ceremonies?”

Ritsu nods as Mao stays baffled as ever. Mao wouldn’t have guessed it, he knew a couple of things about Ritsu but definitely not that. Though, he should have guessed. After all, Ritsu was in the tea club. On the surface level, of course, most people would assume it’s just a disguised go-home club but they do have all sorts of tea-related activities. He can’t quite describe them but at least on some days, the student council president will bring over some leftover tea to the student council room. He enjoyed those days at least.

“Wait, so that day with those tea lattes?”

Mao can’t say he was angry at the sight of what could be a weird cross between cat and bat, he did find it peculiar. Almost hilariously peculiar. Though it was a pretty bitter cup of green tea, he remembered that. Mao can’t say he was angry at the taste either. He enjoyed the taste of bitter drinks more than sweet ones which obviously was the polar opposite of Ritsu it seemed. Mao might say he might get a headache if he ever tried taking a sip of Ritsu’s drink.

“Ah, did you get mine?” Ritsu laughed, apologising midway about how he really didn’t think it’d go to Mao. He was aiming for Fushimi but the president actually never told him who was going to get his drink. Ritsu only chose green tea because he happened to bring some over from home, that’s all. Though, he isn’t so mad that it went to someone else unless it was Hasumi-senpai.

Mao laughs and asks what does that mean.

From there, they just keep going back and forth about nonsensical things that don’t exactly matter. Ritsu laughs as Mao spouts about useless rumours he’s heard about Ritsu; none of them actually make sense as he realises the flow of this conversation. Sure, he can see where the delinquent part comes from but isn’t that just basing Ritsu off solely on appearance? Maybe it’s the fact that he hangs around Oogami a lot too? He kind of wants to laugh at the thought of Ritsu trying to appear scary when all he can do is cough and hug his stomach as he groans in agony.

“Then again, those rumours slowly disappeared, right?” Ritsu asks, playing with the whipped cream that sits on top of his drink. He wonders why Ritsu seemed to be suddenly worried about such things. Did Mao strike a chord that he didn’t know about? He hopes not.

Ritsu sighs, he used to be afraid of rumours as a kid. Not a lot of people would want to be friends with him, to be honest.  _ It’s a demon in the flesh _ , is what kids would joke as they point fingers at Ritsu. Nowadays, he doesn’t really care so much about them because he has no time for such matters but occasionally, maybe once in a while, he gets a little worried. He sometimes he wonders if he’s just being a burden to everyone else. After all, he’s not that great at anything so all he can do is try to get by and not pile more problems for others.

“I don’t think you’re a burden, though” Mao suddenly cuts Ritsu off.

Ritsu looks at him confusedly, laughing sheepishly at how easy Mao can announce such a big line. Mao is too sweet for his own good, Ritsu wonders how no one has taken advantage over it. Mao jokes his sister but he guesses what Ritsu means is different from that. Maybe. Mao can’t tell at all when Ritsu’s face rather still and shows no clear sense of emotion. The message blurs when you couple his face and his words together.

Mao hears a murmur but it isn’t quite clear. Before he could even ask about it, his luck seems to be in Ritsu’s favor. His phone is going off, talking about how Mao and Ritsu are late. They’re going to head to the stay-in soon so they better hurry. He sees a stream of obviously useless threats from Oogami and Sakasaki who are just taking this chance to probably show some sort of rebellious streak? Mao doesn’t quite know, he just starts cleaning up and informing Ritsu that they’re late.

After that, Mao doesn’t quite recall ever going back to that particular topic.

Ritsu had gone used to the big crowd and managed to wedge himself in between Narukami and Fushimi, talking about  _ something _ . It annoys Mao a little. Ritsu seems to be taking this summer trip as a chance to escape Mao’s curious and prying eyes, constantly joking about until he’s all drained and Mao  _ still _ carries him all the way back to the stay-in. As annoyed he may be about the lack of attention given, he can’t quite get mad at the other. Maybe whatever he said that day was meaningless and Mao was just overreacting. Maybe he was just being unreasonable, Ritsu probably didn’t mean anything serious that day.

“Maybe I’m just overreacting,” Mao mumbles to himself as he brushes Ritsu’s fringe away from his face. Ritsu’s face is cold, it really takes comfort in Mao’s warm, rough hands. So much so, Ritsu scooches closer to Mao.

Even if it’s this much, Mao is okay with this type of closeness. Mao may have misread the signs, who knows? Mao doesn’t, he kind of wishes it didn’t turn this way but that’s just being foolish, isn’t it? Mao wraps Ritsu in his arms and slips into slumber. He knows this is just him being a hopeless romantic but Mao doesn’t want to push this any further, he’s afraid of scaring Ritsu. He doesn’t know. His mind is a mess.

Summer turns almost blurry for Mao. Probably because Mao wasn’t paying much attention. He wonders why? Was it because of Ritsu and how he acted the entire time during that trip? Maybe. Maybe not. Mao can’t quite tell. Just like their relationship, Mao’s own feelings towards Ritsu turn blurrier than before.

Study sessions proceed as usual, almost like they’re back to when they first started in spring. Ah, Mao messed up, didn’t he? He can’t help but feel worried as he heads home after another rather empty study session. No matter how much he tries, he’s met with silence or a swift change in topic. Clearly, Mao is just pushing his thoughts on Ritsu.

Maybe Mao missed the chance to actually be Ritsu’s  _ anything _ . Just  _ anything _ ; an acquaintance, a friend, a close friend,  _ anything _ . Mao feels selfish but he wish he could have a repeat so he could be  _ something _ to Ritsu. He wants to laugh at himself; he’s getting too caught up over this. What if Ritsu isn’t even  _ this _ caught up over that situation? Maybe it really is just Mao.

Maybe Mao should have stuck to that role he gave himself before this mess started spiraling; Ritsu’s tutor. He shouldn’t have meddled with Ritsu at all. He should have rejected Ritsu’s wishes. Though, he knows that was impossible. One way or another, Mao would surely say yes to Ritsu. What a pathetic fool, he is.

“God, you look like you got dumped,” Mai sighs at her brother as she tries to pull him out of bed.

“Come on, stinky! Get up!” Mai heaves as she tries her best to pull Mao out of bed, it takes her a couple of more heaves to finally get her brother up. He mumbles how he gets it and drags himself sadly to the bathroom. Does he have a session with Ritsu? Probably not. He can’t quite remember anymore. His brain is all over the place.

Mai watches her brother pathetically drag himself to the bathroom, he really did get dumped. She knew it.  _ She definitely knew it _ . Her dear older brother got rejected or dumped but doesn’t want to admit it. He’s stubborn like that, she can say that confidently. Always insisting that he’s fine when maybe he isn’t. Mai doesn’t know how to properly put it but he’s just sad. It’s a little disheartening to see him roll out of bed like that, maybe he really liked this person. Mai can’t tell at all.

_ Ring _ .

Mai shouts for Mao, loudly and annoyingly. He doesn’t exactly hate his sister but God, can she be a handful. Maybe he ordered something or maybe one of his friends decide to show up uninvited. Subaru’s face immediately comes into mind. Most likely, Subaru. Well, at least it’s some form of distraction from those plaguing feelings and thoughts of Ritsu.

_ Except it isn’t Subaru _ .

It’s Ritsu, sitting on the couch. Awfully tensed-looking, probably for many reasons. For one thing,  _ Ritsu has never been to Mao’s house _ . It’s always been Mao who goes over to Ritsu’s, Mao can’t explain why but he can say that it’s him just being accommodating to Ritsu’s health. Aside from that, he hopes to God, his parents aren’t trying to grill Ritsu into spilling any information about him. It’s bad enough Ritsu isn’t exactly that good at conversations with new people, imagining him with authoritarian figures like parents? That already stresses Mao just thinking about it.

Mao slips down the stairs for rushing in to  _ probably _ save Ritsu but that just led him injuring himself and Ritsu looking him in worry.

“Oh, how the tables have turned,” Mao sighs to himself as Ritsu laughs when he presses an icepack on Mao’s forehead. He hates how warm his face feels. Is it out of embarrassment? Is it because of the fact that Ritsu giggling at his dismay? Or maybe, stupidly enough, it’s the fact that Ritsu  _ actually decided to come over _ ? Mao is not sure, he thinks it’s all three. Maybe. It makes sense. He hates how much it makes sense.

It takes almost maybe half an hour to finally get Mao’s entire family off of Ritsu. They make a quick escape to Mao’s room, probably away from prying eyes. Hopefully, prying ears too.

“ _ So _ , why are you here?” Mao asks. Might as well get straight to the point. There’s no use in beating around the bush here.

Ritsu looks nervous, he’s avoiding Mao’s piercing gaze as he clenches and unclenches his fists. He looks like he’s trying hard to rearrange his words, Mao doesn’t try to coax an answer out of him. He can wait. Ritsu will surely open up one way or another.

“I’m sorry.”

Mao quirks an eyebrow. For what exactly?

“I’ve been avoiding you,” Ritsu mumbles before curling into himself. He fumbles with his hand before explaining to Mao that he feels bad. He didn’t mean it. He just didn’t know how to approach Mao after that trip. Was it okay to ask Mao why he’s always so kind to Ritsu? Was it okay to ask Mao if Ritsu could breach into his space a little bit more? Ritsu wasn’t so sure if the words would even reach properly. He kept fumbling and mumbling, just thinking about the bad outcomes of how Mao would react. He didn’t know how to explain the situation at all. Ritsu kept apologising and stuttering over his words.

Ritsu was a mess, really. It seemed evident that his feelings got in the way with his health because he kept covering his face, probably trying to stop the tears and showing how much of a mess he was. Mao felt bad. He didn’t think Ritsu was going to be worked up about it as well.

“Hey, don’t do that--Ritsu, you’re just going to hurt yourself.” Mao tries to pluck away Ritsu’s hands from his face.

The sight of Ritsu’s tear-stained face twists Mao’s heart and stomach in an uncomfortable way. Mao tries to wipe Ritsu’s tears away as he whispers  _ it’s okays _ and apologies. Ritsu kept trying to keep his health in check but something as measly as  _ this _ could hurt him, it worries Mao a little how Ritsu fares during bad breakups and rejection. It must get just as bad. Or even worse. Who knows. Mao doesn’t.

“My face is itchy,”

  
“Are you allergic to tears--Wait, is that even possible?”

Ritsu laughs and shrugs. He’s comfortable enough in Mao’s arms, head tucked deeply into Mao’s neck. Mao doesn’t do anything, maybe readjusting himself but nothing beyond that. They stay quiet for a short while. This has been a whirlwind of emotions, honestly. Mao isn’t so sure what they are but  _ it’s something _ . Mao doesn’t know how to feel about it but he's stuck in the between the line of enjoying it and disliking it. Maybe he’s enjoying it because at least these feelings aren’t one-sided but another part of him is disliking it because he still doesn’t know where he stands in that line of friendship for Ritsu.

“Can I ask you to grant me a wish?”

Mao tilts his head and asks what is it.

“Summer festival. Take me there.  _ Please _ .”

When Ritsu says he’s never been to a summer festival, he thought it meant he’s been to one but for only a short while.  _ Not literally _ . When Ritsu says he wants to go all out and be pretty for such an occasion, Mao took it as a joke but he didn’t actually expect Ritsu to do exactly what he said. Narukami must’ve taken this chance to go all out on someone pretty as Ritsu.

Narukami and Kagehira must know more about Ritsu’s feelings than Mao. Judging how easy it was for them to shove Ritsu to Mao and bolt the opposite direction, something didn’t seem right. Ritsu throwing up a middle finger before turning meek, that was something Mao  _ still _ hasn’t gone used to. The fact by this point, they’ve known each other for a little over half a year and Ritsu still remains unbelievably difficult to predict is still an evident problem to Mao. Well, is it a problem? Mao does quite enjoy Ritsu remaining as a rather baffling mystery. To a certain extent at least.

Though, there are just some things that Mao wished Ritsu could explain but  _ can’t _ .

“ _ It’s still hot, don’t eat it so quickly! _ ”

Ritsu has a weird habit of shoving food in his mouth. Hot or cold. He doesn’t care, if it can fit in his mouth, he’ll shove it in his mouth. Mao scolds him rather mercilessly as Ritsu suffers in complete silence. Of course, that doesn’t quite stop him from trying again. At least he tries to wait for a while before eating, the second time. Mao sighs as Ritsu complains how he might have burnt his tongue so now everything feels weird.

“ _ So many people, _ ” Ritsu groans as he clings tightly to Mao.

Mao wonders why Ritsu wants to go to popular places if he hates crowds. For the irony of it? Maybe not. Maybe he’s just curious to why so many people enjoy such things. Makes sense. Kind of. It still doesn’t quite explain Ritsu’s need to stick around even if he hates crowds. Or maybe he does enjoy crowds? He’s just not that good in handling them. Maybe. Mao  _ seriously _ doesn’t know anymore.

Mao wonders if Ritsu wants to really stay for the fireworks. Probably. Probably not. Judging by how the other leans on Mao’s shoulder as he clings to his arm tightly. A part of Mao still wonders why did Ritsu want to spend this summer festival with only him. As an apology, maybe? Though, it seems more than that. Ritsu kept trying to creep back into Mao’s space, every chance he could get. Maybe Ritsu was testing the waters with Mao.

Maybe Ritsu is in the same spot as Mao; unsure where they stand with each other.

Summer ends with Mao pressing his lips on Ritsu’s cheek as the other stutter incoherently. Mao can’t help but laugh at the sight of Ritsu’s eyes light up as brightly as the summer fireworks, the way he stutters incoherently and unsure to place his hands. Mao wants to believe this was only a dream but a whack to the chest is enough pain for Mao to know it isn’t. Ritsu is right there, calling him unfair before pulling Mao’s face into a kiss. It’s a bold move and unpredictable,  _ as always _ . Mao enjoys the feeling of Ritsu pulling him close as they kiss.

The scene is a little cheesy but who cares? Mao doesn’t.

Though, autumn rushes in cold. It leaves Mao shivering a little as Ritsu finds comfort in Mao’s arms. Even after the few kisses they exchange once in a while, Mao has to admit; he  _ still _ doesn’t know how to label this nameless relationship of theirs. Sure, they exchange kisses but those end up getting treated like rewards every time Ritsu does his homework correctly.  _ That _ . That is something Mao didn’t know could motivate Ritsu so much. Aside from that point, those kisses end up being labeled as something meaningless, no? Mao can’t help but feel that way.

“Isara-kun, are you okay?” Makoto asks him over lunch.

Ah, he didn’t look okay at all, doesn’t he? He doesn’t feel okay at all. He feels confused. His feelings are all over the place and he has no sense of control over them. He feels like his head will burst at the sight of Ritsu smiling, even if it’s from a distance. Mao can’t think straight at all in front of Ritsu. Ritsu, on the other hand, tilts his head and only smiles softly at him. Almost unsure what has gotten with Mao, as if Mao is the only one who can see how strange their situation was. That makes matters worse because that just makes Mao feels like he’s overreacting again. Maybe he is. Maybe he isn’t. There’s no clear proof for either.

These feelings eat him whole until Ritsu pulls him so close that he’s practically looming over Ritsu. What an uncomfortable position, Mao thought as he readjusts his awkward limbs so he won’t stumble on Ritsu as he climbs on the bed. That still doesn’t change the fact that he’s looming over Ritsu as the other leans against the wall. Really, Ritsu is hard to understand sometimes.

“ _ Ma-kun _ is hard to understand too.”

_ Ma-kun _ . That is something new.

“Ma-kun?”

Ritsu nods as Mao tries to process the new information. Ma-kun. That’s going to take a while getting used to. Ma-kun. It repeats in his head a couple of times before finally registering  _ that nickname _ is his. Not anyone else’s but  _ Mao’s _ . Ma-kun. What a simple but warm nickname, a small sweet voice in him coos as a rather logical boring voice in him shouts how that was uncalled for. Guess, he must look flustered in reality because Ritsu is giggling and calling Mao cute. No,  _ Ma-kun _ cute. God, Mao is going to have a hard time registering this properly.

“Why are you suddenly calling me that?”

Ritsu shrugs. Great. More things that Mao wished Ritsu had an answer for but doesn’t.

Ritsu just starts changing topic about how it’s already September. Mao sighs and scolds Ritsu for trying to change topic. Ritsu laughs and admits he isn’t trying to avoid Mao at all, he swears. He was just realising the fact that time flew by so fast. Soon enough, it’ll be Ritsu’s birthday and he didn’t expect that he has lived through another year once more. It’s a little unsettling.

Ritsu’s birthday? Ah, kind of think of it. He doesn’t quite know when Ritsu’s birthday is. It’s in September? Somehow that suits him well. Mao doesn’t know how to put it.

“When is your birthday?”

Ritsu tilts his head.

“You don’t know?”

Mao laughs sheepishly, he did read Ritsu’s school file but it was a simple gloss over. Nothing more. He was just looking for Ritsu’s address. Everything else was a blur. Birthdays get glossed over because it was deemed unimportant, Mao says as Ritsu flicks his forehead. How rude, Mao thought but surely, that just means Ritsu didn’t think Mao was someone who would just quickly find what he needs and leave. A little brash but Mao can’t say it’s not needed when he’s part of the student council. Half of the time, he’s just quickly running through papers and only remembering  _ what he needs _ . Never sticking around long enough to take in anything else.

Ritsu lips thin out before telling Mao when his birthday was;  _ September 22nd _ .

That wasn’t quite far, honestly. Mao wonders if he should get something for Ritsu. Though, it falls on a Sunday? Would Ritsu be busy that day? He wonders. Maybe he can plan something with Narukami and the others? Though, surely, they would have already something planned for Ritsu so maybe not. Mao hums as he flops down on Ritsu’s bed, dragging Ritsu along.

They’ve gone used to this routine, haven’t they? Flopping onto the bed and just staying in this comfortable cuddling position. Though it still doesn’t quite explain a single thing about their relationship, Mao finds himself thinking bitterly. He wishes he didn’t have to be so bitter about that lack of label.

“0922--that’s a pretty number.”

“Is it? How the hell do you find  _ numbers _ pretty? I hate numbers.”

Mao can definitely tell that it's because of maths and nothing else. Ritsu laughs as he nods, telling Mao that he can’t believe that numbers could be this annoying. He swears numbers were never this annoying when he was younger. Guess, that’s because it was easier when he was younger. Mao scoffs at Ritsu, of course it was easier when they were younger.

Mao fails to catch Ritsu on Saturday thanks to Narukami and the others reserving it. He also fails to catch him on his birthday itself because of his family. He begs for Monday to which Ritsu laughs and asks why Mao is so eager for it. He still says yes, though. It’s both a relieving and scary answer. On one hand, Mao manages to score a date with Ritsu but on the other hand, Mao didn’t think it could even happen. He spends the entire weekend, thinking of ways to actually spend the date. God, he didn’t think this through at all.

The beach was actually beautiful that autumn.

He doesn't know how and why but just from the way the other smiles at him with his rolled-up pants in the sea, it leaves Mao breathless. Ritsu is so beautiful, Mao wants to keep this image close to his heart. This trip is ridiculous, Mao thought as he watches Ritsu show him sea glass excitedly. Yet, Mao couldn’t bring himself from vocalising his pity for not giving Ritsu a better gift.

All he can think about is how the other cheekily splashes water at him and nearly slipped into the water had it not been for Mao's quick save. All he can see is the way the other laughs with his head thrown back, arms wrapped tightly around Mao's neck as he carries him back to shore. It's stupid as he hears the other try to praise him while also complain about how cold the weather is in the same cheerful tone as the praises. 

“You're being ridiculous,” Mao scolded the other.

The other only laughs and nods in agreement. Yes, he is  _ that  _ ridiculous.

Mao doesn’t know why he did it other than the fact,  _ he wanted to _ . He presses his lips against Ritsu’s. There’s a little bit of force but Ritsu responds happily. He tightens the grip around Mao’s neck. Both of them don’t want to let go of each other. They’re too content in each other’s arms. Ritsu whines when Mao breaks the kiss off, Mao laughs at the pout on Ritsu’s face. It’s too cute.

“ _ I love you _ .”

It’s barely a whisper. Mao didn’t know if that was a good idea. For Mao, physical affection is different from verbal affection. Saying  _ I love you _ has a different feel from kissing someone till their lips are swollen. Ritsu clearly has a face that probably treats them the same way too. He looks embarrassed, almost as if he didn’t expect such a thing.

Ritsu stutters a little but he manages to push the words out;

“ _ I love you too _ .”

It makes Mao’s heart flutter. He can’t help but feel like it was  _ his _ birthday because the sight felt too unreal; the way Ritsu’s cheeks were dusted with pink, his lips curled into such a soft smile and it was all in such close proximity. Mao was over the moon about it. He wanted to kiss Ritsu again but the other didn’t let him. Instead, he was told to put Ritsu down and follow him.

Ritsu’s hand is cold, Mao wants to warm it with his.

Ritsu tricks Mao into buying dinner for them, claiming how it’s part of the birthday gift. Mao can’t get mad because he’s too busy being swept away by Ritsu’s smile and voice as he compares Mao’s eyes to sea glass. He’s completely lovestruck. God, his sister is going to hurl her guts out if she ever saw this but Mao doesn’t care at all. He doesn’t care at all. He really is  _ too busy _ in love with Ritsu’s existence. Somehow, amongst that, they do find themselves finally labeling themselves. Not exactly how Mao expected but he's happy enough with Ritsu calling him _his boyfriend_ in that sweet voice of his.

That date of theirs ends with Mao kissing Ritsu at the gate before biking back home. Ritsu tells Mao to come over tomorrow so they can  _ actually go to school together for once _ . Mao promises him and begs Ritsu to wake up early for once. He doesn’t want to haul Ritsu’s ass to school that early in the morning.  _ God no _ . Ritsu laughs as he bids Mao goodnight.

_ But that promise goes unfulfilled _ .

Mao gets rejected at the front door the next day. And the next day.  _ And the next day _ . He doesn’t even get to see a glimpse of Ritsu. Not even once. He’s always turned down sadly by Ritsu’s brother or servants in the house. Mao is left looking at Ritsu’s bedroom window, hoping just to catch one small glimpse of him but  _ he doesn’t _ . He ends up biking home tensed and uneasy. He ends up going home and worrying endlessly.

Time moves so slowly in those two weeks; Mao anxiously jittering his leg, wondering what Ritsu was doing at the moment. Mao’s brain is rattling, hoping to God that Ritsu was okay. Mao is not at ease because he doesn’t have Ritsu next to him, laughing in his ear and kissing him sweetly. Mao hates how slow time goes when he’s like this. Mao hates how much it’s bothering him.

Mao wants to see Ritsu so badly. He wants to know what is going on.

It takes two weeks. It takes  _ two fucking weeks _ for Ritsu to finally let Mao into his space.

Mao is frustrated. Mao is annoyed. Mao hates this. He hates this space in between them but he can’t bring himself to shout at Ritsu. He can’t bring himself to hurt Ritsu like that. He doesn’t want to hurt Ritsu like that. He wants to make Ritsu smile but he can’t if he’s tearing up at the sight of Ritsu smiling weakly at him. Mao can only hold Ritsu tightly as he rubs Mao’s back.

“I’m sorry, Ma-kun.”

_ Don’t say that. _

“I ignored you again.”

_ Ritsu, please, don’t blame yourself _ .

“I should’ve told you that I’m not well.”

_ It’s okay, I just want you to be safe _ .

“I’m sorry that you had to love me.”

_ Don’t  _ ** _ever_ ** _ say that again. Please _ .

Mao tightens his grip as Ritsu seeks comfort in Mao’s neck. Mao whispers  _ I love yous _ and  _ I miss yous _ until he’s spilled enough tears. It hurts. Mao doesn’t want Ritsu to go so soon. He wants Ritsu to stay with him. He wants Ritsu to stay with him long enough till Mao is ready to let go of Ritsu. It’s still too early. They just started. Why can’t anyone let Mao be selfish and keep Ritsu just for a short while? Why does Mao always have to be selfless? Why can’t he be selfish for once?

“ _ Ma-kun _ , don’t cry.”

Mao bawls as Ritsu kisses his forehead. He could feel Ritsu tremble a little. He doesn’t want this to happen. He really wants Ritsu to stay. This is unfair. This is  _ fucking _ unfair. Why did this happen? Mao wants to throw a fit but it’s too late. It’s too late for screaming, shouting, and angry tears. All Mao should be doing right now is holding Ritsu’s hand and comforting Ritsu until it’s time. Yet, Mao can’t. Mao doesn’t want it to happen.

Mao begs for that day to never come. Maybe not never but he begs for it to not happen so soon.

It takes Ritsu another month till he’s back in Mao’s arms.

“ _ I miss you _ .” Mao kisses Ritsu the moment the other is in his arms. He kisses Ritsu’s cheeks, forehead, and lips over and over again. He kisses Ritsu until they’re both breathless. He misses Ritsu so much. He really didn’t think this day would happen.

Mao is visibly shaking because he was so afraid Ritsu was never going to come back. He really thought Ritsu was going to leave him. Mao knew he always had bad luck but for once, he was glad that it was in his favour this time. It actually went the way he hoped. He really was glad for that.

  
“ _ I miss you too, Ma-kun _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm like uploading this at 1am so I might fix it tomorrow _but_ I hope you enjoyed this!!  
I know, usually, I try to separate these kinds of long fics into chapters to make editing and reading easier but I actually couldn't find the cut off points in this fic??? so I had to upload everything in one huge shot skdjnkjds  
Regardless, I hope you enjoy it  
Also, tell me if I should upload maybe some sort of continuation or smth bc this was a fun au to work w!!  
Thank you for reading!  
(if you want, you can talk to me on twt which is [@drunkossan](https://twitter.com/drunkossan))


	2. Ritsu.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “_Sarii!_”
> 
> There's someone Ritsu is in love; he's someone Ritsu has only seen through his bedroom window.
> 
> Ritsu looks at Isara Mao smile at his friend, he takes a minute to look up and notices Ritsu. Isara Mao waves at Ritsu who immediately hides after seeing that gesture.
> 
> _Ah, he noticed me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello grossnoona here with a Ritsu side to this fic  
a little unnecessary but honestly I wanted to do Ritsu's pov first but Mao's happened first instead lol  
It's a little longer bc Ritsu would remember things better I think and he also probs liked Mao first haha  
I hope you have fun w this too!

“_ I want to fall in love _,” Ritsu remembered wishing for that kind of hopeless thing. How funny.

Ritsu always wishes for hopeless things, doesn’t he? He can’t help it. He really does want such a hopeless funny thing. He thinks it’s admirable.

“_ Sarii! _” Ah, was the other going out? Ritsu peeks from his bedroom window and finds the neighbouring boy laughing at his loud friend as he closes the gate. How fun, Ritsu muses. To go out, he wants to do such a thing but he’s sick again today. He wonders where they’re going? Maybe somewhere fun, Ritsu giggles to himself.

Maybe a theme park? Ritsu ponders. Maybe bungee jumping? Ritsu would like that. Maybe something like going to some weird monster cafe nearby? Ritsu _ would really like that _. Though, he doubts the neighbouring boy was like that. No, he probably is normal as the rest of the world. The neighbouring boy would never do stuff like that. He probably has lived through enough things to not develop such extreme taste. Then again, Ritsu wouldn’t know-- he’s never spoken to him.

“Ritsu-chan sure likes admiring people,” Arashi muses over lunch, she reads through Ritsu’s journal. She traces over the funny little scribbles of the neighbouring boy, she hums at the small little notes about the people Ritsu sees outside of his bedroom window. Ritsu sure finds joy in admiring people, Mika calls him a bit of a stalker. Arashi doesn’t actually think that Ritsu is a stalker, though he is good at writing fine details about people.

Ritsu laughs at Mika’s comment, noting how he does feel like he’s stalking people a little but he doesn’t really go beyond what’s written in the journal. If they leave his vicinity then that’s it, he won’t write about them anymore. The only recurring person in Ritsu’s journal is the neighbouring boy, Isara Mao. When Ritsu writes about him, they’re only of questions that Ritsu would like to ask him--nothing more. Maybe occasionally, he’ll answer those small questions with fleeting answers that he feels don’t exactly match the other but he tries his best.

_ After all, Ritsu doesn’t know much about Isara Mao. _

“Ah, Sakuma-er, Ritsu I mean, what are you doing here?” Ritsu hears Isara Mao says as he turns away from the window. He really didn’t expect to catch himself in such a scene; Isara Mao spinning the classroom keys as he asks if Ritsu is alright, Ritsu laughs a little. Does he look unwell? Maybe he does but isn’t he always unwell? For him to ask if Ritsu was alright, such a strange person Isara Mao was. He’s different from what Ritsu imagined.

“No, I just--You looked a little sad when I came in, I was wondering if I walked in a bad moment.”

_ Oh? Did he look sad? _

Ritsu didn’t realise that, maybe because the expression he wears is always a little sad-looking, tired-looking or whatever anyone else wanted to say about it. It’s just his normal face, though? He touches his face, wondering if it’s any different looking from today. Doesn’t feel like it, though? At least, Ritsu thinks so.

“Nono, I’m sorry--I hope I didn’t get you worried about your face. I just thought you were sad about something.” Isara Mao takes a couple of steps closer to Ritsu who instinctively steps back. He’s pressed against the window now. Now, Ritsu feels nervous--he didn’t want the other to be so close to him but it seems the other got more worried because of that. Ritsu gulps uncomfortably as Isara Mao places his hand on Ritsu’s forehead.

“_ Woah, you’re warm--you should go home, Ritsu. _”

Ritsu nods, watching the other’s hand retreat back into his pocket. Ritsu grabs his bag and tries to explain that he was just admiring the view outside; his sentences fumble a little but Isara Mao understands, he even laughs a little. Ritsu feels a weird chest-tightening feeling when he sees Isara Mao laugh so freely like that. Ritsu wants to do that kind of thing too. Ritsu stands there awkwardly as Isara Mao tilts his head in confusion, asking him what’s wrong. Ritsu shakes his head, he apologises for disturbing Isara Mao’s duty in checking for any students staying overtime.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. People will always lurk around school, God knows why.” Isara Mao continues to explain how it’s common to find people staying back at school. The reason varies, of course. The situation varies too, much to his dismay. Ritsu intently listens to him as he locks the classroom door.

“By the way, you live next door, right? Do you want a ride?” Isara Mao asks, smile like the sun. It’s definitely too bright for Ritsu, it makes him feel a little weak. Ritsu nods as Isara Mao asks him if he minds following him along this dreaded duty, Ritsu didn’t mind at all. In fact, he’s rather excited but he would never tell the other that. That’d be too embarrassing, Ritsu thought.

Time passes by faster than normal as Ritsu listens to Isara Mao talk. He has a strong voice, Ritsu likes it a lot. It’s a warm voice, Ritsu thought as he waits for Mao outside of the student council room. It’s warm like his hands, Ritsu wanted to say aloud but that thought remains in his heart instead due to Isara Mao walking and calling out to Ritsu. _ Warm _, that’s all Ritsu can ever say when he looks at the other.

Isara Mao strikes more conversations with Ritsu as they walk to his bike. Ritsu finds it peculiar. Riding a bike during winter, Ritsu wonders how Isara Mao handles the cold. When asked, Isara Mao laughs and says it is a little cold but he’s used to it. Ritsu wonders if it’s because he’s naturally warm so it doesn’t serve that much of a bother for him. Maybe. It makes sense.

“Is there something wrong, Isara-kun?” Ritsu stares at Isara Mao in confusion, he seems to be wondering about something. Was he afraid Ritsu was going to get cold during the bike home? Well, that is a bit of a concern on Ritsu’s mind too but he doesn’t mind it. He can always warm himself up when he gets into bed later.

Isara Mao takes off his scarf and wraps it around Ritsu tightly. It’s really warm and smells like cinnamon. It’s pretty heavy too. Ritsu struggles to stand a little, Isara Mao laughs and compares him to a baby whose head is too heavy for its body. Ritsu huffs as he reaches out for the other so he can get a grip. Ritsu feels a hand slip under his back, Isara Mao tells him to be careful. He even notes how he didn’t expect Ritsu to be so clumsy. It defeats the rather aloof image some people in the school have curated for him.

Ritsu has barely known the guy for an hour and he could already feel his heart ready to jump out of his body. Ah, this guy is too much.

“Aloof? Do people really think of me like that?” Ritsu asks, Isara Mao nods. He thinks it’s funny, he’s never heard that kind of thing before. Maybe Isara Mao was just joking, Ritsu wouldn’t know.

“Well, _ most _ do but then again, Oogami says you’re a bit stupid-- _ not that I do! _” Isara Mao tries to defend himself, Ritsu laughs. His head thrown back as he clings tightly to the backseat. He knows Isara Mao doesn’t think he’s stupid or at least, he hopes that’s true. He feels himself almost tip over but Mao manages to grab onto his hand just so Ritsu can gain some balance.

Ritsu is wearing two layers of scarves around his neck, a knit cap, four layers of clothing, and still, Isara Mao's hand feels the warmest. Why is that? Ritsu wonders as he feels Isara Mao drag Ritsu’s hand to wrap around his stomach. He tells Ritsu to hold onto him instead just in case he falls off--he mentions how he doesn't want Ritsu to get injured. Ritsu enjoys the warm linger of Isara Mao's hand against his. _ Warm _, Ritsu can't help but think when he leans against the other's back.

Isara Mao, he even has a warm name. Ritsu tries to figure out what it means but he doesn't know. All he knows is the name is warm. He likes it a lot. Such a warm name on such a warm person, Ritsu wants to hug him. Isn't that strange? Ritsu wants to seek warmth from him. Ritsu wonders if that's okay. Probably not. Ritsu isn't so sure.

Isara Mao drops Ritsu off at his house, Ritsu unravels his scarf and hands it back. Isara Mao tells him that if he's ever staying back again, Ritsu could always hitch a ride from him. Ritsu nods and watches him drag his bike into the neighbouring house.

Ritsu rushes back in as if one second in the cold is 5 years in it. He nearly trips on the way upstairs, causing a maid to worry. By the time he's reassured the maid that he's fine and slammed his bedroom door shut, he's already feeling warmer than ever. Did he really? Was it really? Is it okay to do this kind of thing? He doesn't know. He isn't so sure if he wants to know the answer, quickly he fumbles with his phone and slams the call button.

“_ Hello, Ritsu-chan? _”

“I think I fell in love.”

“_ Wait what-- _”

“Nacchan, I'm in love with somebody and I'm confused.”

Arashi tries to calm him down, asking him if his fever is giving him mixed signals. He honestly doesn't know. He knows he has a slight fever but he doesn't think that's the cause of this weird feeling in him. He swears he doesn't believe it either but it makes sense. It makes complete sense why he kept feeling like he was being lured into a hug, he's in love. God, he wants to die right now.

Ritsu hears Arashi laugh from the other end, she calls him a pretty hopeless romantic. Ritsu thinks he is too. He chalks it up to all those time he dramatically wishes for someone to fall in love with, he ended up overreacting at the thought of _ actually being in love _. Maybe he isn't in love, Arashi is right. Maybe his fever is giving him the wrong signals. He doesn't know really.

Maybe he is in love. Maybe he isn't. Ritsu doesn't know the answer. The only thing he knows right now is that it drains his ability to stay awake, he mumbled his apologies to Arashi and bids her goodnight. He waits to hear Arashi bid him goodnight and ends the call.

Though, he would like to believe he's in love. Isara Mao is a nice person to fall in love with, at least he believes. Even if it's unrequited, it's a nice thought.

“Wait, you got me a tutor?” Ritsu asks as his brother nods and tells him that Ritsu is repeating a year, there needs to be _ somebody _ who can watch Ritsu's grades. Ritsu understands that but to go to the extent and ask another student to watch over Ritsu’s grades? Now that's just taking advantage of the student council.

Ritsu tries to give a reason but is shut down by his brother before it properly forms in his head. Ritsu puffed his cheeks and says that this is only going to cause more problems for people, he doesn't want to be a burden. Ritsu doesn't want a tutor. It'll just be annoying and terrifying to have someone be forced to care for him. He doesn't want that. He can probably do it himself, there's no need to go to this extent.

“You already miss class more often than you attend them, Ritsu my dear--_ You need a tutor _.” His parents and brother agreeing to this for the school year puts him in an uncomfortable position. This is unfair. This sucks. Just as he finally whisks away those strange feelings he has for Isara Mao, he harbors more strange feelings about meeting his new tutor. Ah, he hopes it's someone he's at least comfortable with. He doesn't want to feel awkward in his own home.

Ritsu wants to curl up in bed and die. He doesn't like the thought of a stranger coming into his home. God no. He doesn't like the thought of a stranger coming into his room and tutoring him. He'd be too distracted by the fact that there's a stranger in his comfort zone rather than studying like what he's supposed to do. He hates that.

Isara Mao. Isara Mao is his tutor. Ritsu is told that by the person himself, talking to him about how they could probably study in the library instead of studying at home. It's easier that way. That aside, his parents wouldn't let him escape his chores so studying at home is a little off-limits for now, Ritsu watches Isara Mao laugh sheepishly. Ritsu nods uncomfortably. Ah, he really wants to die now.

The first session is awkward. It feels like that one winter evening where Ritsu was sent home by Isara Mao. Only he talks as Ritsu nods, the only difference this time is that they're not going somewhere. Instead, they're at the library with Ritsu leaning a little away from Isara Mao's closeness as he does his work. He can see Isara Mao get a little confused at it but it seems he wrote it off as Ritsu not being used to this kind of thing. He isn't wrong but Ritsu feels bad. He didn’t mean it, he just didn’t think this could happen.

At least, it ends on a rather comforting note. Ritsu gets sent home and watches as Isara Mao drags himself to the neighbouring house. They end up falling into that kind of cycle until one day, Isara Mao just calls out to Ritsu before he goes through the gate.

“Is it okay if I ask you to call me _ Mao _ instead?”

Ritsu doesn't know how to respond. All he can do is just look at the other in confusion, wondering where that question came from. Isara Mao tries to explain himself but it isn't quite working out--he tells Ritsu to wait a minute so he can gather himself properly. Ritsu just stands there, hand tightly gripping his bag as he stares at Isara Mao confusedly. Does he not like being called Isara-kun? Maybe he doesn't like his surname or something. Ritsu doesn't know. Ritsu can't tell at all.

“I just thought it would be easier for us to communicate if we were both on a first name basis--After all, I call you _ Ritsu _. It's only fair that you get to call me by name too.”

Ah. Is that why? Ah. Well. Oh okay. Ritsu is trying to relabel all of his mental notes of Isara Mao--no, it's Mao now. Just Mao. He wants Ritsu to call him Mao. Is that okay? Is that really okay? Ritsu doesn't know. Before Ritsu's brain can form a proper reason to object, he finds himself nodding and bidding Mao goodbye. Ritsu wants to scream. He just agreed to something that he didn't think he'd agreed to. This year really is different, huh? Ritsu doesn't like the change of pace. No. He doesn't like it at all. It feels too new and out of his comfort zone.

_ Though, calling Mao by his name didn’t really change much, didn’t it? _

If anything, it just thinly veiled reassurance that they were comfortable enough to be in each other's spaces. Beyond that, Mao and Ritsu rarely spoke unless it was to inform that their study sessions were canceled or where they were doing it. Other than that, it was still as empty as ever. A little frustrating for Ritsu, really. Mao is a little different from how he imagined the other to be. Though, that was a given, right? Ritsu only knew Mao through his warm voice calling out for his friends or the friendly gestures that could honestly break Ritsu’s bones if he tried them on Ritsu.

Of course, Mao isn’t some sort of prince that Ritsu wished he was. Mao is human too. Mao has times when he’s sad, annoyed, frustrated, angry and so many other whirling emotions that would leave Ritsu curled up in fear. It was to be expected. Mao is just as human as everyone else. Of course, he can feel those kinds of emotions. Ritsu can’t say he didn’t expect Mao to get mad. It was expected. He couldn’t say he didn’t think it would happen because _ he knows it’ll happen _. Who wouldn’t get frustrated with being shoved to someone and be expected to care for them? Ritsu wouldn’t want to either.

If Mao is sad for never getting time to hang out with his friends, why is he still waiting for Ritsu to finish with his club? If Mao is annoyed with having to spend extra hours studying with Ritsu, why is he still lending his notes to Ritsu who could have easily asked Arashi? If Mao is frustrated with how difficult it is to tutor Ritsu, why does he still teach Ritsu the equation over and over again until both of them want to hurl at the sight of it? If Mao is _ angry _ and _ unsatisfied _ with being with Ritsu, ** _then why is he still here?_ **

“_ Mao _,” Ritsu calls out to him, Mao turns confusedly.

“Are you unhappy?” Ritsu asks, Mao looks taken aback as if he didn’t expect Ritsu to ask such a question. Mao laughs out a why, he seemed confused as to how such a question could be formed. Mao asks if Ritsu thought he looked sad today, Ritsu shakes his head.

“Mao looks unhappy when he has to be with me,” Ritsu says, approaching Mao. Ritsu continues to apologise for causing Mao all that trouble; taking care of him even if it’s not part of the deal, teaching him for countless days even though he shouldn’t be putting _ that much effort in Ritsu _ , just trying his _ goddamn hardest _ to incorporate Ritsu into his busy life even though he doesn’t have to. Ritsu feels like he’s just taking advantage of Mao if he’s just unsatisfied with this. Ritsu rather study by himself than force Mao to do those kinds of things.

‘_ Ah, he found out _,’ is what Ritsu reads on Mao’s face, it’s a little shocking but not at all surprised by Ritsu’s words. Ritsu bows his head a little, telling Mao that surely he can study by himself. Mao doesn’t need to force himself anymore. Ritsu can probably explain to his family that Mao is far too busy to attend to Ritsu as well. Ritsu can cover up for Mao, he doesn’t have to worry about such things.

“_ No--Don’t go _.”

_ Ah. _ It hurts. The way he grips Ritsu’s wrist tightly and tells him to not go, Ritsu doesn’t know how to feel about this. Ritsu doesn’t know where to look when Mao forces him to face him properly, the small proximity between each other is something Ritsu is not used to. The way Mao narrows his eyes and looks at him with no clear emotions, it leaves Ritsu queasy. Ah, Mao is going to scold Ritsu for putting words in his mouth and beat the crap out of him, right? Ritsu closes his eyes to brace for some sort of impact but nothing happens.

“I won’t hurt you, Ritsu.”

Mao sighs and lets go of Ritsu’s wrist. He apologises for the rough gesture, he just assumed that his voice wasn’t enough to catch the older’s attention. Mao fumbles with his words a little before relaying to Ritsu that he isn’t wrong. Ritsu is definitely not wrong; tutoring Ritsu is surprisingly difficult but Mao _ kinda _ knew he was going to be facing these kinds of issues. The only reason why he didn’t reject the task, aside from Mao being too much of a convenience, is that he wants to. As much as his expression indicate that’s he’s tired or annoyed, he can reassure Ritsu that he doesn’t want Ritsu to think it’s directed to him. It rarely is, Mao can say that confidently.

“Just ask me if you think I don’t want to take care of you--_ I’ll say I want to _,” Mao says holding Ritsu’s hands. Ritsu feels warm. Mao is so warm. It’s unfair, how kind Mao is to Ritsu. Why is he so kind to Ritsu even though he doesn’t have to? Mao is really too much.

Ritsu tightens his grip as Mao drags him home. Ritsu finds himself feeling warmer than ever. It doesn’t feel like a fever, it feels like something else. Maybe Ritsu was right last winter, he was in love. To be in love, Ritsu likes the feeling. It’s warm and sweet. Even if it’s unrequited, Ritsu likes it a lot. It’s a different kind of feeling.

_ That gap _\--it started to close somewhere after that right? Ritsu was happy enough to have Mao’s company by his side regardless of the places. It made the hospital stays less lonely, Mao ranting how council work was piling up as Ritsu laughs. Mao makes Ritsu’s world a little less lonely, he can’t help but enjoy that.

That’s why. Yea, that’s why Ritsu begged Mao to help him fulfill his life. The way Mao reacted was so typical of him; how he flounders for a moment and tries to deny Ritsu’s wishes to finally giving in because he just can never say no to him--it’s all expected. Ritsu can’t help but feel like he’s hit the jackpot when he hears Mao sigh and agrees to help Ritsu. Though he’s sighing and calling it a pain in the ass, he obviously is thinking otherwise, right? At least that’s what Ritsu’s wishfully thinking.

Taking out his journal, the one that he has long hid from Mao. He explains how he has had it written down for a long time. The list is never ending, always going through some sort of change but maybe a few remain. Ritsu watches Mao read through the list, he doesn’t go past the two presented pages. Maybe he doesn’t want to read the entire journal which Ritsu is glad for. Ritsu kind of believes if Mao ever read through Ritsu’s journal, he would definitely find those pages that Mika and Arashi dub as study notes about him.

Ritsu can’t bring himself to fathom the idea of Mao just reading out the words that Ritsu uses to describe him. He can’t imagine how weirded out he’ll feel if he ever found those pages. God, Ritsu doesn’t even want to think about it.

“_ Summer festival... You've never been to one? _” Mao’s voice cuts through Ritsu’s worries.

Ah. No, he can never make it to them. He tried going last year but he ended up getting a really bad fever, right? He apologised to Arashi and Mika who told him not to worry. ‘_ There’s always next year, _’ just how many times has his friends and family told him that? Ritsu has lost count, honestly.

Ritsu shakes his head and mentions how his parents don’t really let him go out often. He wanted to do all those things you see out of a comic and maybe from TV shows. It’s a stupid thing but Ritsu has always wanted those kinds of things. He wants to have a colorful life too, he hoped Mao understood that. After all, Mao’s entire life looks so colorful--it only felt right to ask Mao for help.

“_ This seems pretty easy, you sure you don't have any wild ideas? _”

_ Wild ideas _? Weren’t those enough? Unless Mao was expecting Ritsu to push himself over the limit? Judging how he’s waiting for an answer, Ritsu can take that as a yes. Though, if Ritsu wasn’t trapped in this treacherous rotting body, what would he like to do? Ritsu rakes his mind through the list of things he’s asked his friends before. Surely, there was one that his friends had always denied him in doing--something that his brother would scream in terror if he saw it.

“_ Bungee jumping? _”

“Where your condition stands, I think even the staff won’t let you try, y’know?”

Ritsu laughs, he knew Mao would deny him of that too. Ritsu just wrote down ideas that his body probably can handle at best. The most extreme would be a theme park and even then he doesn’t know how he’ll fare. Probably not so, he joked. He always enjoyed looking at them but never really experienced them much. Just like bungee jumping, he wanted to try them at least once.

Ritsu wanted to know what it’s like to experience some of these things. _ Just once _ . Even if it was a bad experience, it was still _ something _ and that’s all that matters to him.

Ritsu waits for Mao to say something, maybe he’s thinking about the consequences of doing this. Mao is always like this. Worried that Ritsu will hurt himself, regardless of what he does. Ritsu wants to laugh but somehow he can’t. Ritsu thinks it’s because he understands why Mao is worried. It makes sense to feel worried about doing these things. Ritsu may have gone through the list countless times but it doesn’t make the worry of Ritsu being unable to do them, go away. It’s still there. Even if he tries to reassure himself, it’s still there.

Ritsu sees Subaru slide the door open and call out for Mao. Mao tells Ritsu that they’ll talk about this later. He even mentions to see him after club practice, Ritsu nods and waves Mao goodbye.

_ This year really turned out different for Ritsu, huh? _

Before this, Ritsu would just wander about the school campus before he assumes it’s a good time to leave. Though he likes his friends, they never really invite him to anything because they know he can’t make it or it’ll be too troublesome to bring him along. Not saying Arashi, Mika, Leo or even Izumi are bad people. They just know Ritsu wouldn’t be able to make it so they slowly stopped inviting him out and Ritsu slowly stopped asking them to follow him to do stupid errands that aren’t actual errands. It’s just him wandering through stores for no particular reason.

Now, Ritsu has to make sure he doesn’t wander far from the gymnasium. If not, Mao will have a hard time looking for him. Ritsu has to make sure he doesn’t leave the school campus without telling Mao, that’ll make the other worry and scold him relentlessly. Ritsu would sometimes just follow him to club practice, those days are a little too new for him. He’d be smack in the middle of Mao and Subaru, that loud friend of his, as they aimlessly talk about things Ritsu doesn’t really understand. Sometimes Subaru would try to get a little too touchy with Ritsu, Mao has to drag Ritsu closer to him and scold Subaru for being so touchy.

_ “Aw but Ritsu lets you do it--come on, just one hug!” _

To be honest, Ritsu is not used to either of them but if he says that--surely, even Mao will feel offended. In the end, Ritsu is forced to get used to skinship. Ritsu gets hugged and dragged around by Arashi and Mika freely now, it’s a strange feeling but Ritsu doesn’t mind it. He actually likes it a little, now.

Ritsu hears someone shouting and a ball definitely not hitting the squeaky gymnasium floor. It seemed someone got injured. Ritsu peeks through the door to see who it is. Surprisingly, it was Mao who got injured. Everyone in the basketball team fuss over him as he tries to reassure them that he’s fine. ‘_ It’s just a bit of blood _,’ he says even though Ritsu can determine that amount of blood on Mao’s jersey could leave Ritsu heaving and fainting if it was him that got the bloody nose instead.

Ritsu sees Mao lying on the floor on the other side. Maybe he should go bother him, Ritsu wants to laugh. Though, surely, Mao wouldn’t want Ritsu to see him like that. Maybe he won’t. Just to save his face and all.

Subaru tells Ritsu what happened anyway. Subaru found Ritsu waiting outside of the gymnasium and hollered him over. He reenacted the entire accident as Mao rolled his eyes. What a mood, Ritsu thought aloud as Subaru dramatically talked about how poor Mao died from getting hit in the face. If Mao kept this up, they seriously wouldn’t get into the qualifiers. Mao tells him to stop being nonsensical, this is the first time Mao zoned out during a game. He’s pretty sure if this was a competition, he wouldn’t be zoning out.

When Mao mentions about zoning out, Ritsu wonders why. Maybe he was still thinking about Ritsu’s wish.

“We should get you an ice pack,” Ritsu tells him as they bike home. He wonders how Mao can still bike home with a nosebleed. When asked for the context of that, Ritsu says he’s afraid of nosebleeds. They always make him breathe uncomfortably, squeeze his head tightly and curl up on himself because everything becomes unbearable. He can’t imagine himself still drag his ass home if he got a nosebleed. Mao is cool for being able to do that.

“_ I don’t think you realise but we don’t have the same conditions, Ritsu. _”

Ritsu laughs, Mao is right. Ritsu and him don’t have the same conditions. Ritsu forgot about that for a second. How pitiful that Ritsu isn’t like Mao, Ritsu thought sadly.

It takes a couple more study sessions before Ritsu admits that Mao was right. Ritsu was being reckless about this wish-list but he doesn’t care. Ritsu explains how he’s a little tired of constantly being careful, he wants to be careless too. He wants to have fun and get a little injured along the way. It’s stupid, right? Ritsu tells Mao how it’s a little selfish but he has spent too long being told to not do anything just so he won’t hurt himself. He wants to do stuff like the others too. He wants to live normally too.

_ “Fine but don’t push yourself. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” _

The first thing Mao agreed to try was the list of strange cafes, Ritsu has always wanted to try. Ritsu oddly felt excited when Mao tells him they could try to go during the weekend. It’d be a nice treat for Ritsu, who has been studying well.

Though it wasn’t a date, Ritsu felt like it was one. Ritsu kept fussing over himself till the day came by, it was hard not to feel excited and scared of being able to see someone outside of school. Ritsu rarely did those kinds of things unless he counts those times he sees the tea club president, Eichi, in the hospital. Then again, they’re in hospital clothes so it really doesn’t count, doesn’t it?

“You look eager,” Mao teased, Ritsu scoffs but he was right. Ritsu is eager. _ A little too eager _. Just how many times has Ritsu peeked out of his window, looking at Mao go hang with his friends? Ritsu lost count. Just how many times has Ritsu wondered what it would be like to actually be able to go out with Mao? Ritsu has lost count on that too.

“Really, Ritsu, _ that’s _ what you’re ordering?” Mao eyes Ritsu funny, he seems to be in disbelief over Ritsu’s choices. Shouldn’t Mao have expected this? They are going to strange places, it’d be part of the deal to try weird things too. Mao is so funny, Ritsu thinks as Ritsu tries to offer some to Mao.

Mao backs away a little before giving in, he opts to actually take a bite from Ritsu’s fork instead of using his own utensils. Ritsu was just joking when he said he would even feed some to Mao, he didn’t expect the other to actually take it. Ritsu feels warm as Mao tells him that he didn’t expect it to be good. Mao isn’t aware of Ritsu’s face at all, huh? That’s pretty dense.

Though, Ritsu had to get used to this routine. Ritsu will be seeing this more often than he thinks. Ritsu had to get used to seeing Mao smile brightly as the sun when Ritsu steps outside of his house, he’d have to get used to the feeling of wind blowing as they bike to a new cafe Ritsu has never heard before, he’d have to get used to that empty spot in front of Ritsu, whenever he goes to a cafe, be filled with Mao. _ Ritsu will have to get used to having Mao around a lot more often than planned _.

Ritsu hears a couple of people ask Mao if he’s dating anyone, it’s a funny thought. Ritsu wonders if he is, he wouldn’t be surprised if he was dating someone. Mao is popular, nice and handsome too. Ritsu would date Mao if he could though it’s not like that was possible, right?

“You’re dating _ him _ , aren’t you?” Arashi corners Ritsu during lunch. _ Well, no _\--more like Ritsu was suddenly approached with that question during lunch. Ritsu stares at Arashi confusedly as Arashi repeats the question until Ritsu gives into the conversation.

“Whoever _ he _ is, I’m not dating _ him _\--I’m not dating anyone.”

Arashi whines, not accepting such an answer. She asks again but this time with a name attached; _ Mao _ . She’s wondering if Ritsu and Mao are dating, Ritsu nearly chokes on his lunch when she says that. _ No _ . _ No way _. Ritsu isn’t dating Mao at all. Ritsu doesn’t fit with Mao at all. Ritsu thinks Mao and him are too different, the thought of them even remotely on a date would be a mess--Ritsu thinks Mao wouldn’t even want to date him, to begin with.

Arashi places her head on Ritsu’s table, trying to puppy eyes her way into Ritsu telling the truth. Ritsu shoves a sausage in her mouth as a way to probably signal that he’s actually being honest. He isn’t dating anyone. _ Especially, not Mao _. Where did that stupid rumour come from? Ritsu didn’t think people would pay attention to him. Why would they want to pay attention to him? Ritsu wouldn’t know.

“_ I’m not dating anyone, I’m serious. _”

Ritsu hears Mao say the same thing except it echoed down the hall. His friends were teasing him about having a mystery girlfriend despite Mao saying otherwise. Ritsu peeked his head out, musing to himself that maybe he’ll be kind today and not ask such a question. Though, if Mao is dating anyone, he should probably give Ritsu a heads-up or something. Just so Ritsu doesn’t take his precious time away again.

Ritsu laughs when Mao fumes about the stupid rumour. Calling it ridiculous and extremely baseless. It follows him all the way home too. He doesn’t understand people, why do they assume such things? Ritsu shrugs, he doesn’t know the answer. He assumes because Mao is an easy target. It must be the fact that Mao’s face is pretty easy to read, Ritsu ends up answering as he climbs onto Mao’s bike.

Mao scoffs, it’s only Ritsu who has been taking up Mao’s time though. Really, he isn’t dating anyone. If anything, he could say it’s Ritsu but no one would believe it. Or at least, he doubts so.

Ritsu hums. Should he tell him? It’d be weird, right? Though, Ritsu understands what Arashi means now. The way Ritsu tightly hugs Mao’s back, he understands if someone mistook them as a couple. It’s a little weird to feel happy at that thought. What a weirdo, Ritsu wants to laugh at himself.

“Nah, Nacchan thinks I’m dating you,” Ritsu mumbles, voice slightly muffled when he presses his face against Mao’s back.

“Really?” Mao answers instead. Ritsu nods, hair brushing against Mao’s nape. Ritsu wonders if it tickles him. Probably. Mao looks red, almost like his hair. Ritsu wonders why.

With summer nearby, Ritsu finds himself at the hospital more often than he’d like to be. At times like this, even being awake hurts. Ritsu just finds himself heaving and coughing until he feels like he could cough his entire heart out. It hurts to be alive, Ritsu thinks as he wipes his tears. He doesn’t like it at all. He rather die than live, to be frank.

Mao texts Ritsu, asking him if he should visit. Ritsu doesn’t want him to. It’s not like Mao has seen Ritsu in the hospitals, it’s more like Ritsu doesn’t want Mao to see him when he’s far too weak for anything. It’ll be hard to digest the sight of Ritsu just coughing and hurling until he cries, not even Ritsu can handle it sometimes.

Mao still forces his way through the next week. Luckily, Ritsu doesn’t look as bad as last week. He thinks he looks somewhat human and decent this week. Mao smiles when he sees Ritsu, almost as if he’s relieved to see Ritsu is fine. Ritsu wonders why. Was Mao worried? Ritsu hopes not, he doesn’t want Mao to feel obliged to take care of Ritsu even in the hospital.

“When are you getting discharged?” Mao asks, thumbing Ritsu’s knuckles.

Ritsu hums and says tomorrow. He’s getting discharged on the first day of summer break, right? Ritsu wonders if he’ll be doing anything during the summer break, maybe nothing. It’d be nice to do something with Mao but he probably had something planned with his friends. Ritsu doesn’t want to take up Mao’s time even during summer. Even if Mao says he wants to stay with Ritsu, Mao should go hang with his friends too.

Ritsu feels Mao thumb Ritsu’s knuckles again before dragging them close to his face, it makes Ritsu wonder; _ just how long has he been doing these kinds of things to Ritsu’s heart? _ The way he just so casually uses the warmth from his cheeks to warm up Ritsu’s cold hands, Ritsu wonders why Mao is so good at pulling his heartstrings. It feels warm. So warm, Ritsu wants to kiss that cheek but surely, that’d be awkward.

“You said you want to go somewhere and stay there for more than a day, right?” Mao asks, Ritsu nods. Ah, did Mao want to take Ritsu somewhere? Is Mao serious? Ritsu is not imagining this, right?

Mao asks if he wants to go on a trip with everyone, Ritsu says yes instinctively. The way Ritsu’s tightening grip on his hand makes Mao smile in relief. Mao spends a while explaining the trip; a stay-in that Subaru enjoyed going to, a theme park visit and sight-seeing in an area all of them were rather unfamiliar with. It sounded fun, Ritsu was happy to hear Mao invited him on a trip. Just the invite alone was enough to make Ritsu smile brightly at him.

He looked forward to the trip eagerly.

It was a lot of people but Ritsu tried his best to adjust. The chatter between Arashi and Makoto reminded Ritsu that they were childhood friends, how sweet. It must be nice to have a childhood friend, Ritsu wanted one too. Though, if he were childhood friends with someone--it’d be Mao, right? Being childhood friends with Mao, that sounded like a dream. They’ve been neighbours for a long time but Ritsu and Mao led different lives so that chance to _ actually _ be childhood friends could never happen. Though, Ritsu would like to think they were childhood friends.

Keeping up with people is a little difficult but Ritsu enjoyed the feeling. The sound of people talking about what to do as others joined in to give their own piece, Ritsu felt happy even though he wasn’t chipping in anything. Leaning on Mao’s shoulder, Ritsu listens carefully to Subaru talk about the theme park. There’s a reverse rollercoaster that Subaru went on, Ritsu wants to try it too but it seems Mao shivered at the thought of it. Ritsu tightly holds his hand to reassure him that he’d be okay if they went on it.

“_ So we just meet back here at the fountain in, maybe, an hour and a half? That’s enough, right? _”

It had only been 1 or 2 hours into the trip and Ritsu was already tired. He sat down at the fountain as everyone shuffled into groups, talking about wanting to explore the shopping district. Ah, he wonders who he should follow, maybe Arashi? Surely, she’ll go window shopping though. What about Koga? Ritsu hears him talking about wanting to see some obscure music shop with Adonis and Hokuto so maybe not.

“You don’t want to follow Narukami or Oogami?” Mao asks, squatting in front of Ritsu who shakes his head slowly. Almost as if he was reading Ritsu’s thoughts, how scary--maybe they are childhood friends. How funny.

Ritsu hears Mao decline Subaru’s quest to find an arcade around the area. Ritsu hears Natsume ask if Ritsu is okay, Ritsu nods and explains how traveling gets a little tough sometimes. There’s not much of an explanation to that. It’s what it is.

“_ Liar, _” Mao scolds when he feels Ritsu’s forehead. So he could guess Ritsu was getting unbelievably warm due to the weather, huh? Mao is pretty sharp. Ritsu can’t lie to him at all. Ritsu blames it on the fact that Mao has spent too much time with Ritsu.

Mao carries Ritsu, they try to find a nice quiet cafe that they could just hang around till Ritsu feels better. It’s embarrassing but Ritsu has gotten used to this gesture, Mao has carried Ritsu a bunch of times. It’s funny, Ritsu thinks. How can Mao casually carry someone on his back? Won’t it hurt? Ritsu wonders.

Though, that’s not all that Ritsu wonders about.

“_ Mao, don’t you want to explore too? _” Ritsu asks, face pressed into Mao’s neck.

“Well, _ technically _, I’m doing that right now.”

Ritsu wonders if Mao is lying to not make Ritsu feel guilty or he’s actually telling the truth. Mao will always answer that hanging with Ritsu is enough sometimes, taking care of Ritsu is no issue to him and other foolish reasons. Ritsu wonders what he is to Mao; is he a classmate that needs tutoring? Is he a patient that needs to be looked after even after school hours? Is he someone who Mao might have found some form of confidence boost because someone wanted to rely on him?

Or maybe, he’s just a friend. Maybe Ritsu is a friend that Mao wanted to get to know better. That thought warms his heart a little but that’s just wishful thinking, isn’t it? Ritsu doesn’t know actually.

“_ Tea ceremonies? _ You actually do tea ceremonies?”

Ritsu nods as Mao stays baffled as ever. This conversation really did take a form of its own as Mao shoots countless questions about Ritsu. None of them step into families, though. They’re all questions about what Ritsu does in his spare time and all that junk. Ritsu laughs as Mao kind of gushes about Ritsu. It’s cute. Ritsu likes it a lot

Ritsu laughs as Mao spouts about useless rumours he’s heard about Ritsu; none of them actually make sense according to Mao. He explains how he can see where the delinquent rumours come from but it still doesn’t make sense. Ritsu only looks the part, he can’t actually play a delinquent. Mao laughs as he explains how he tried imagining Ritsu as a real delinquent; it’s just way too impossible.

Ritsu puffs his cheeks as Mao tries to hold in his laughter. Can Ritsu really stay that mad when Mao looks like he’s having the time of his life over such a simple thought? Ritsu giggles as Mao tries to calm himself down, apologising a little.

“_ Then again, those rumours slowly disappeared, right? _”

Ritsu used to be afraid of rumours as a kid. Not a lot of people would want to be friends with him, to be honest. _ It’s a demon in the flesh _, is what kids would joke as they point fingers at Ritsu. Nowadays, he doesn’t really care so much about them because he has no time for such matters but occasionally, maybe once in a while, he gets a little worried. He sometimes wonders if he’s just being a burden to everyone else. After all, he’s not that great at anything so all he can do is try to get by and not pile more problems for others.

It’s not like Ritsu can just _ magically _ get better, right? He’s going to get himself hurt if he tries too hard but he’ll get hurt too if he tries too little. It’s frustrating, to be honest. Just by living, he’s already being a burden for everyone.

“I don’t think you’re a burden, though” Mao suddenly cuts Ritsu off.

Ritsu looks at him confusedly, laughing sheepishly at how easy Mao can announce such a big line. Mao is too sweet for his own good, Ritsu wonders how no one has taken advantage of it. When Mao says his sister does, Ritsu realised he can’t believe he’s fallen for such a dense guy. He really is too sweet for his own good. 

Ritsu murmurs how it’s unfair that Mao is too nice to him. Why is that? Ritsu wants to ask Mao that question. Why is that Mao will always want to be nice to him? Isn’t it frustrating to be with Ritsu? Doesn’t he want to take a break for once? Ritsu can’t help but want to ask Mao why he was so willing to go with his selfish requests.

Just as those words were forming on the tip of his tongue, Mao’s phone is going off--something about how they were late. Mao complains about how Natsume and Koga have taken this chance to scrutinize Mao for being late, even though Mao is actually rarely late. Ritsu laughs a little, Koga has always wanted to just pick a bone with Mao. Though, didn’t Arashi mention Mao actually spent some time taking martial arts? Is that why whenever Ritsu is forced to do stretches with Mao after studying, he can always do it perfectly? Ritsu occasionally fails at them but he thanks old ballet classes helping him out a little.

After that, Ritsu can’t tell if _ he’s _ avoiding Mao or _ it’s the other way around _.

Even if Ritsu was enjoying the theme park with everyone--he couldn’t help but glance back at Mao occasionally. Was he mad at Ritsu? It wouldn’t be wrong to assume such things. Ritsu can’t help but feel worried. Though, he might be overreacting--he can’t help but feel anxious about it anyway.

A part of him, vaguely sounding like Mao, reassures him that Mao isn’t mad. That part of him tries to remind him of those words Mao said to him when Ritsu cornered Mao about wanting to continue tutoring Ritsu; ‘_ Just ask me if you think I don’t want to take care of you--I’ll say I want to. _’ Ritsu wonders if Mao still does.

Subaru points at the rollercoaster, it was bigger than imagined. Yuzuru laughs and calls Ritsu cute for thinking it’d be small while Souma asks if this is Ritsu’s first time riding such a big contraption. Ritsu nods as the rest of the gang stare at him in confusion, it seemed that Ritsu appeared a lot more innocent than they thought.

For safety purposes, Ritsu was placed next to Mao. Ritsu feels awkward because Mao wasn’t exactly looking at him anymore. Ritsu slips his hand into Mao’s who instinctively tightens the grip. Maybe for reassurance or something. Ritsu can’t tell anymore. All he knows that throughout the entire ride, Ritsu learned roller coasters can be fast. _ It’s alarmingly fast _\--something Ritsu never knew he could actually be able to experience such a thing.

The theme park trips ends with a Ferris wheel ride, Arashi stuffs Ritsu into a car with Mao and slams the door shut much to his dismay. Ritsu tries to open it but is denied by the staff. Ritsu internally curses Arashi who waves at Ritsu as the car moves away from the others.

“Mao,” Ritsu calls for the other who looks at him annoyed--yikes, is he really mad at Ritsu? Ritsu fidgets a little in front of him before Mao sighs. He really did it, huh? He really did manage to piss Mao off. Ritsu should have kept his mouth shut. Ritsu should have just laughed off that stupid rumour Mao brought up. Ritsu shouldn’t have laid his feelings bare in front of Mao like the other would ever properly care for them anyway.

“I’m sorry--”

“Don’t be.”

It’s almost as if Ritsu wasn’t talking to Mao at all. Mao doesn’t properly talk to him, no matter how much he tries. It’s frustrating, Ritsu wants to cry. No matter how hard Ritsu tries, those words won’t get through, wouldn’t it? Maybe Ritsu should have kept his distance then this wouldn’t be happening. Ritsu’s lips thin out as he looks away, Mao won’t speak to him then so be it. He’ll just have to deal with this deafening silence whether he liked it or not.

The overview of the theme park is pretty, Ritsu wants to cherish such a thing forever. It makes him yawn a little as he watches the sunset. Tomorrow, they’re leaving. Ritsu will miss this place. Hopefully, he can come back and make better memories. Ritsu makes a mental note to write this place down in his journal as he closes his eyes.

Mao looks away from the window, Ritsu has fallen asleep. His head on top of his folded arms, that’ll hurt his back when he wakes up. Mao moves over to Ritsu, luring the other to rest on him. Maybe Mao was a little too harsh with what he said earlier. Maybe he should have heard what Ritsu wanted to say instead of cutting him off like that. He feels something wet on his shoulder; was Ritsu crying? He checks to find Ritsu crying a little, he wipes them and whispers I’m sorry as the other curls up tightly onto Mao.

“Ara, Ritsu-chan fell asleep?” Arashi asks Mao who laughs out a yes. He readjusts his grip on Ritsu as the others grab Ritsu’s things. They walked back to the stay-in as they talk about how they should come back to the theme park next year or something. It’d be fun, they all said as Mao wondered if next time was even possible for Ritsu. Hopefully.

Ritsu wakes up somewhere in the middle of the night to find himself curled next to Mao. He almost leaps out of Mao had it not been for the fact that the other had a tight grip around him. Ritsu tries to maneuver his way out of Mao to go get a glass of water. Walking into the kitchen he finds Makoto still awake on his laptop.

“_ Ah _, you’re awake--good, uh, morning?”

“What time is it?”

“2.48am”

Oh. Ritsu has been out for hours. Makoto watches Ritsu as he pours out a glass of water, it makes him feel awkward. Ritsu awkwardly offers a glass of water to Makoto who graciously accepts. Ritsu isn’t quite used to Makoto yet, he’s a close friend of Mao’s and Arashi’s beloved childhood friend--Ritsu is supposed to consider him a safe person but yet he can’t. He wonders why.

“Can I ask you a question, Ritsu?” Ritsu nods as he puts his glass into the sink.

Makoto closes his laptop halfway, just so he can get a better view of Ritsu. At least, that’s what Ritsu is assuming. Ritsu doesn’t actually know but he’s seen people do it so he assumes that he’s right. It makes sense.

“Isara-kun and you are close, right?” Makoto asks, Ritsu frowns at that question. 

He doesn’t know the answer to that, sadly. Ritsu answers honestly; he isn’t so sure about that. Maybe. Maybe not. Ritsu can’t quite tell, honestly. He asks Makoto why he brought up such a question. Makoto smiles sheepishly.

“_ Nothing, I just think that it’s nice to know Mao and you are _ ** _finally close_ ** _ . _”

That sentence--it sticks in Ritsu’s head almost all of summer. It bothers him to the very end. What does it mean? Ritsu isn’t so sure anymore because he can’t see how they’re _ finally close _ . Mao has reverted their relationship back to the very first week of spring-- _ empty as ever _. It felt like all that effort Ritsu put in vanished into thin air. It’s frustrating because their relationship blurs as Ritsu rakes through his mind for an explanation as to why it turned out this way.

When Arashi finds out, Makoto is dragged by the ear to apologise to Ritsu who manages to convince Arashi that it’s not Makoto’s fault at all. He swears Makoto is not at fault but that doesn’t stop Arashi from scolding Makoto. If anything, Makoto is forced to stick around for Arashi and Ritsu’s girl talk until Ritsu can find a concrete solution to solve this mess.

“Go visit him, I’m sure Mao-chan would be able to explain himself if you give him the chance.” Arashi insists on that thought--Ritsu feels uncomfortable. He’s never stepped into the Isara house, he’s only looked at it from the outside. Wouldn’t it be weird? Ritsu doesn’t know actually.

It takes a few days for Ritsu to _ finally _ act on that thought. Nervously, Ritsu rings the bell--hoping to God that it’s Mao’s infamous sister or his kind mother that opens the door. He rather deal with anyone that isn’t Mao, he feels as though he’d stutter and embarrass himself if it was Mao.

“Hello?” It was Mao’s sister that answers the door, she’s short but she kinda looks like a carbon copy of his brother. It makes Ritsu want to laugh a little but he can’t for some odd reason.

“_ Is Mao home? _”

Ritsu is dragged to the couch as his sister, who introduces herself as Mai, stutters out a ‘_ you do exist _.’ Whatever that means, Ritsu doesn’t really want to find out. All he knows is that Mao’s parents curiously stare at him and ask him questions that Ritsu doesn’t quite know the answer to. It’s a little nerve-wracking to face Mao’s parents; what if he says the wrong things? Surely, not only will Mao kill him but his parents too. Ritsu feels stiff and lost in front of these people Ritsu has only heard in verbal conversations.

Ritsu hears someone rolling down the stairs, he turns to only found out it was Mao.

“Mao, are you okay?” Ritsu asks worryingly as he helps Mao up.

Ritsu asks if Mao’s parents if there are any ice packs in the freezer. Ritsu laughs as Mao groans about the injury and the irony of how it was Ritsu’s turn in helping Mao. Ritsu smiles softly at Mao when he tells Ritsu that he’s okay now, he could handle the injury himself.

It takes almost maybe half an hour to finally get Mao’s entire family off of Ritsu. They make a quick escape to Mao’s room.

“_ So, why are you here? _” Mao asks. Straight to the point as always.

Ritsu looks away from Mao’s piercing gaze. He tries to rearrange his thoughts for a while before finally apologising. Mao asks for what exactly, almost as if he had forgotten about that mess they were caught in not long ago. Ritsu wonders if Mao suppressed such a memory for their sake. Probably.

_ Too bad Ritsu isn’t the same _.

“I’ve been avoiding you,” Ritsu mumbles before curling into himself. He fumbles with his hands before explaining to Mao that he feels bad. He didn’t mean it. He just didn’t know how to approach Mao after that trip. Was it okay to ask Mao why he’s always so kind to Ritsu? Was it okay to ask Mao if Ritsu could breach into his space a little bit more? Ritsu wasn’t so sure if the words would even reach properly. He kept fumbling and mumbling, just thinking about the bad outcomes of how Mao would react. He didn’t know how to explain the situation at all. Ritsu kept apologising and stuttering over his words.

“_ Hey, don’t do that _\--Ritsu, you’re just going to hurt yourself.” Mao tries to pluck away Ritsu’s hands from his face. Ritsu shakes his head, it hurts himself even more that he has to show this selfish vulnerable side of him to Mao. It hurts because Ritsu doesn’t know how to feel around Mao, he doesn’t know if he’s making the right choices because no one is telling him anything.

Ritsu finds some form of an answer in Mao’s hug--it isn’t exactly explaining anything but _ it’s something _. That. Ritsu can accept. Ritsu mentions how his face feels itchy from all that crying, it doesn’t connect to the topic at hand but Mao still responds with disbelief. It’s funny, Ritsu laughs and shrugs.

“Can I ask you to grant me a wish?”

Mao tilts his head and asks what is it.

“_ Summer festival. Take me there. _ ** _Please_ **.”

Arashi takes her sweet time in preparing Ritsu for his first summer festival. So much time, they planned the entire thing _ right after Ritsu asked Mao to take him to the summer festival _. In that small span of a week, Mika finds out about Ritsu’s blooming feelings towards Mao though Mika and Arashi doesn't call them blooming feelings. They say Ritsu must have always had those feelings; it’s just Ritsu who failed to realise them in the first place. Ritsu scoffs as Mika notes how Ritsu was probably in love with Mao just upon seeing him.

“Love at first sight--that’s rare,” Arashi comments. Mika agrees to the statement but Ritsu doesn’t think the same.

Arashi and Mika shove Ritsu to Mao and bolt the opposite direction as Ritsu throws a middle finger at them. Mao quirks an eyebrow at the exchange but he doesn’t seem to take much mind to it. Probably claiming as Ritsu being unpredictable as usual. Though, shouldn’t Ritsu say the same about Mao who reacts differently from expected--leaving Ritsu to guess what Mao’s words mean.

Though, there are things that Ritsu can accurately guess about Mao.

“_ It’s still hot, don’t eat it so quickly! _”

Mao scolds a lot. Ritsu laughs a little even though he’s in pain from stuffing a freshly made takoyaki ball in his mouth. It’s funny watching him sigh in exasperation. Claiming that Ritsu should have waited for it to cool down but Ritsu didn’t want to. Takoyaki is great when it’s freshly made, Ritsu tries to reason. Mao still forces him to wait. Though, it doesn’t change the fact that Ritsu’s tongue is burnt and now everything feels funny.

Mao has a pretty good aim, he can win prizes from those game stalls with ease but he only does it when a kid is struggling with it. Ritsu can’t help but watch in admiration as Mao tells a kid that he did a good job in winning a toy, even though it was Mao that helped him aim. Mao is always kind, Ritsu wonders why. Maybe because he wants to? Ritsu wonders how long has he been training that habit of being kind. Long enough, it seems.

Even though there are a lot of people, Ritsu wants to see the fireworks too. Arashi messaged him, wondering if Ritsu wanted to a nice spot to see the fireworks. Mao agrees to see what the place was, both of them thinking that it was near their friends.

Of course, in typical Arashi fashion, they were lied to. Well, technically, not really. Arashi didn’t say they would be near their friends so can Ritsu said he was lied to? Not really. It still was a nice place to see the fireworks. It was rather far from the rest of the festival too. Guess Ritsu has to bake Arashi sweets as a thank you present. How unfair, Ritsu wanted to joke.

Summer ends with Mao pressing his lips on Ritsu’s cheek as the other stutter incoherently. Mao laughs at the sight of Ritsu’s eyes light up as brightly as the summer fireworks, the way he stutters incoherently and unsure to place his hands. Ritsu whacks Mao in the chest and calls him unfair before pulling Mao’s face into a kiss. It’s a bold move, a part of him almost not believing the fact that he actually did kiss Mao. It’s a good feeling but a nerve-wracking one too. Mao’s smiling face reassures Ritsu that he likes it too.

Autumn rushes in the form of strong winds and colorful shades on trees as Ritsu seeks comfort and warmth in Mao’s arms. Ritsu has learnt one thing about kisses and that Mao has used them as rewards which is a demonic move. He’d tell Ritsu that if he doesn’t solve it properly, he wouldn’t kiss him at all.

“_ Oh _, good job--you actually finished the science homework without needing my help,” Mao congratulates Ritsu as he lures him onto his lap. Mao kisses Ritsu softly as Ritsu fumbles with his hands. Even after multiple sessions where Mao does this kind of thing, Ritsu still doesn’t know where to place his hands--it’s stupid that he still hasn’t gotten this down at all. Mao laughs against Ritsu’s lips as he guides Ritsu’s arms to rest on Mao’s shoulders.

Kissing--just like anything else Mao has done with Ritsu--he had to get used to. They kiss when they feel like they've done worth rewarding. It's a weird reward but Ritsu likes it. Ritsu kisses Mao when he does a pretty swell job at basketball, Mao kisses Ritsu when he does his work on his own; they keep doing that every time they feel something is worth rewarding. Ritsu doesn't know why but he enjoys it, somehow.

Though, that doesn't explain their relationship, doesn't it? Are they together? They should be together if they keep doing this. Ritsu doesn't know about Mao but Ritsu feels like they're dating or something similar; Mao kisses and cuddles with Ritsu every time they're done with work. Mao would just take a well-deserved nap on Ritsu's bed as Ritsu lightly traces Mao's face.

If they’re already like this, can Ritsu call Mao cute nicknames that’d make others hurl in disgust? Ritsu has slowly stopped labeling anything related to Mao as _ Mao _ , he realised that when he tries to call Mao from across the class one time. _ Ma-kun _, Ritsu nearly shouts had it not been for his own conscious questioning him. The last thing Ritsu wants to do in public is misinterpreting his entire relationship with Mao.

Ritsu wonders if Mao actually likes Ritsu the same way. If he would go to this extent, it’d be a yes, right? Ritsu hopes it’s yes.

Ritsu corners Mao by dragging him into bed; it doesn’t really count as cornering if Mao’s the one that’s looming over Ritsu not the other way around. Mao complains how Ritsu is hard to understand, Ritsu pouts at that complaint.

“_ Ma-kun is hard to understand too. _”

“_ Ma-kun _,” Mao echoes the nickname back.

Ritsu didn’t realise it until the thought escaped his mouth. He tries to stay composed about it, nodding a little as Mao frowns a little. It seems he’s trying to process the nickname, judging how flustered he’s starting to look. Ritsu giggles and coos at Mao; how cute, Ritsu likes these expressions Mao wears in front of him.

“Why are you suddenly calling me that?”

Ritsu shrugs. He starts changing the topic about how it’s already September. Mao sighs and scolds Ritsu for trying to change topic. Ritsu laughs and admits he isn’t trying to avoid Mao at all, he swears. He was just realising the fact that time flew by so fast. Soon enough, it’ll be Ritsu’s birthday and he didn’t expect that he has lived through another year once more. It’s a little unsettling. He really didn’t think he’d make it this far.

“When is your birthday?”

Ritsu tilts his head. Well, that’s something he didn’t know about Mao. He didn’t know Mao didn’t know his birthday.

“You don’t know?”

Mao laughs sheepishly, he did read Ritsu’s school file but it was a simple gloss over. Nothing more. He was just looking for Ritsu’s address. Everything else was a blur. Birthdays get glossed over because it was deemed unimportant, Mao says as Ritsu flicks his forehead.

That answer was only half-accepted because Ritsu knows Mao already knows Ritsu’s address; they’re neighbours for goddamn sake. Maybe he forgot? Maybe he wanted to double-check that it was the same Ritsu he was thinking about? Ritsu doesn’t know, he pinches Mao in the nose as the other scrunched his face up. Though Mao complains how it hurts, he still kisses Ritsu as an apology.

“_ September 22nd _.” Ritsu gives in to telling Mao anyway, it’s not like the other could do much. It’s almost around the corner so Ritsu can’t expect Mao to do anything. Mao hums as he hugs Ritsu and flops onto the bed.

“0922--that’s a pretty number.”

“Is it? How the hell do you find numbers pretty? I hate numbers.”

_ Seriously _ , Ritsu has to find a better reason to be in love with Isara Mao. The more he says ridiculous things like this, the more Ritsu is questioning how much does he _ really love _ Mao. Though, it’s not like he can say that kind of thought aloud, can he? Surely, Mao would just laugh and ask what the hell does that mean.

Mao begs for Ritsu to free time during the weekend but Ritsu was booked full. He wonders why but accepts when Mao asks for Monday. He can’t help but laugh and ask why was Mao so eager for Monday. Was something big happening? Ritsu wondered but he found nothing online. Maybe Mao found something that Ritsu didn’t know about.

Ritsu spends the weekend in a nerve-wrack; _ he feels like the first time Mao took Ritsu out _. He fusses over himself even though there’s still school on Monday. Was it a date or something? Ritsu doesn’t know. As soon as labels come into the picture, Ritsu can’t properly describe their relationship anymore--it’s too blurry and confusing.

Mao takes Ritsu to the beach in the windy autumn.

Surprisingly, it feels good. The sun isn’t so harsh on Ritsu and it’s windy. He calls for Mao who seems to be looking at Ritsu in some form of endearment. The way Mao smiles softly and says Ritsu as he approaches him, it makes Ritsu feel warm in the cheeks. Ritsu cheekily splashes water at him to cover the red that decorates his cheeks but Ritsu nearly slips into the sea had it not been for Mao’s quick save.

“You're being ridiculous,” Mao scolded Ritsu. Ritsu only laughs and nods in agreement. Yes, he is that ridiculous.

Mao kisses Ritsu unexpectedly, there’s a bit more force than usual but Ritsu tries his best to respond back. He tightens the grip around Mao’s neck. Both of them don’t want to let go of each other. They’re too content in each other’s arms. Ritsu whines when Mao breaks the kiss off, Mao laughs at the pout on Ritsu’s face.

“_ I love you. _”

It’s barely whisper, Ritsu feels warm and red all the way to the tips of his ears. Ah, that’s the answer Ritsu has been looking from Mao. The question that’s been stuck in his throat; it gets answered before Ritsu can even ask it. Ritsu thinks this is his favourite birthday present yet, Ritsu smiles softly.

Ritsu stutters a little but he manages to push the words out;

“_ I love you too. _”

Ritsu lures Mao by the hand and tricks him into buying dinner. Mao doesn’t get mad, instead, he just nods and kisses Ritsu all the way through dinner. Ritsu can’t tell who’s far more in love with the other; Ritsu or Mao? Ritsu tries to call him his boyfriend and Mao asks if he could kiss Ritsu to confirm that he likes that label, Ritsu jokingly says no.

That date of theirs ends with Mao kissing Ritsu at the gate before biking back home. Ritsu tells Mao to come over tomorrow so they can _ actually go to school together for once _ . Mao promises him and begs Ritsu to wake up early for once. Ritsu laughs when Mao whines about how tiring it'd be if he had to wake Ritsu up too. Ritsu kisses him to seal the promise that _ he'll try _ to wake up early.

_ But Ritsu lied, didn't he? _

Even though he said yes to Monday, even though he agreed to stay with Mao until late in the night, even though Ritsu kept pushing the weight of pain in his chest aside; he still couldn't fulfill the promise that he made with Mao foolishly. Ritsu felt warm and dizzy, everything becomes unbearable as everyone panics at his weak state. Ah, Ritsu feels guilty.

He promised Mao but he couldn't see that promise through. Mao is going to hate him, huh?

Can Ritsu really say that about Mao, though? Ritsu doubts Mao is that mean. Maybe Mao will feel hurt that Ritsu can't stay awake that well anymore. Ritsu can't kiss Mao anymore. Ritsu can't hug Mao anymore. Ritsu is going to miss that warmth. The feeling of Mao's arms wrapping Ritsu warmly, he's going to miss that.

“_ It hurts--it really hurts. _” Ritsu laughs hoarsely, he wants to stop living. It hurts, Ritsu can’t take it. This body is eating him whole. Ritsu wants to cry but it hurts even more to cry. Ah, it’s no use in crying anyway. Nothing will heal if he cries--he’ll still be heaving and hurt all over. It won’t fix anything. Ritsu has to accept that reality, huh?

Ritsu doesn’t want to. He sleeps in hopes that he’ll wake up to Mao’s voice, trying to coax him awake. Ritsu wants to wake up Mao’s laughter in his ears as he carries Ritsu up from bed. Ritsu just wants Mao to kiss Ritsu good morning as if all this pain he’s facing is nothing but horrible nightmare that he can simply just wake up from.

“_ Ritsu! _”

Mao stumbles in Ritsu’s room, slipping due to the carpet and hitting himself at the back of the head with the bedroom doorknob. Mao curses a little and rubs his head but it seemed he didn’t care about the pain, all he cared about was Ritsu. The way he grips Ritsu’s cold shaking hands tightly with his calloused warm hands, Ritsu misses it so much. Ritsu smiles weakly at him as Mao holds him tightly.

“_ I’m sorry, Ma-kun. _”

Mao murmurs something into Ritsu’s head.

“_ I ignored you again. _”

Ritsu sadly laughing makes Mao tighten his grip. Ritsu feels something wet on his head.

“_ I should’ve told you that I’m not well. _”

Mao cries, it hurts to hear Mao cry. Ritsu doesn’t want Mao to cry. Ritsu wants Mao to not miss him. Ritsu doesn’t know if he’ll be able to grow old but he knows Mao can. He doesn’t want Mao to cry because of Ritsu.

A bitter thought escapes his lips before he can even think about the consequences of such words; “_ I’m sorry that you had to love me. _”

“_ Ma-kun _, don’t cry.”

Mao bawls as Ritsu kisses his forehead. Mao gets angry and shouts about how it’s unfair. He hates how unfair everything is. Ritsu doesn’t know how to calm him down, he’s too weak to. Ritsu expects Mao to completely get mad but he doesn’t, all he does is flop down next to Ritsu in bed. He whispers more _ I love yous _ and kisses Ritsu until Ritsu giggles at him. Ritsu will miss this.

They lie in bed, dreaming of a fleeting wish--one that could try to whisk Ritsu’s nightmares away even if it’s not forever. Ritsu wishes that he doesn’t die so young while Mao wishes Ritsu to never get hurt again.

“Did you know I used to write notes about you before you started tutoring me?” Ritsu jokes.

How long has it been since Ritsu started getting a bit better? 2 months? Around there, right? Ritsu can’t tell. All that matters right now is Mao’s confused frown as he reads out Ritsu’s notes about Mao. He laughs as Mao explains he didn’t realise that cat he kept letting into his house was Ritsu’s--the amount of chances Mao had to _ actually _ talk to Ritsu, at this point they were endless.

“_ God _, that means your cat knows what I thought you were like.” Mao groans as Ritsu laughs, he wonders what Mao has said about him. Mao won’t tell him, he only groans in agony as Ritsu climbs on top of him. Ritsu pokes at him until Mao finally admits it.

“I used to tell your cat about how cute you were--My friends found out while I was ranting to him one day.”

Ritsu laughs, calling Mao cute as he kisses him. Ritsu notes how that explains Makoto vaguely gesturing that he was glad Mao and Ritsu could _ finally _ be close. Mao mumbles how he should kill Makoto but Ritsu says Arashi did it first so there’s no need. Ritsu wonders when did Mao started telling Ritsu’s cat those embarrassing things. Judging from his red face, probably not long ago.

Different from Ritsu then, he’s been looking at Mao for years.

Mao shrugs, he guesses somewhere after Ritsu came over to return a soccer ball that Subaru kicked over the divider. Ritsu laughs, that was a while ago then. Maybe somewhere in Ritsu’s first second year then. Mao asks what about Ritsu--when did he start taking down these weirdly detailed notes about Mao. Though he’ll admit, rather than being weirded out--he feels pretty flattered about this.

Ritsu hums and tells Mao to give a guess. Mao sighs and starts throwing guesses until he gives up when Ritsu rejects every single answer.

“I give up--Don’t tell me you were in love with me when we were still kids, right? Wasn’t I also in that group of kids that looked at you funny?” Ritsu nods to confirm Mao’s statement, Mao frowns. Sitting up, Mao kisses Ritsu’s cheeks.

“That’s unfair,” Mao says as he kisses Ritsu so much so it leaves Ritsu giggling. It’s not fair, Mao thinks as Ritsu squeals about how ticklish the kisses were. Mao swore he was in the same group of kids that used to laugh at Ritsu yet Ritsu still liked him? Mao calls Ritsu stupid for falling _ that Mao _ of all versions of himself that he’s had growing up. Ritsu should have fallen for Mao after that, when he started becoming nicer.

“But I only got to be with you now so isn’t that enough?” Ritsu asks, fingers tracing Mao’s face lightly. Mao frowns a little. That’s true, Mao thought. Ritsu only got to be with Mao when Mao started falling in love with him. Guess Ritsu really did let Mao take his time.

“I’m sorry for making you wait then,” Mao says before kissing a giggling Ritsu.

Ritsu shakes his head.

  
“It’s okay--I don’t think it was _that_ _long_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised that I'm uploading this at 1am too  
Is maoritsu time at 1am for me?? lol  
This was fun writing, personally bc I've felt what it was like to be in Ritsu's position where I thought my life wasn't that great and all bc I spent some time being sick haha  
Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you had fun!  
(if you want, you can talk to me on twt which is [@drunkossan](https://twitter.com/drunkossan))


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